Posts Tagged ‘Attorney’s fee’

By :MonkeyWerks

Women hate to watch a man struggle; it makes them sick and their pussy as dry as popcorn farts.  They will make every excuse to run away from you as fast as they can unless of course you are that uber alpha rock band bass player.

When C broke ended our relationship, she did so because I am pretty broke. That night I had to ask her if she had really ever struggled in life, specifically financially.  I knew the real answer, but I had to ask anyways.

Some men have not had to struggle either, but I think most men have had times where they had to struggle financially and sometimes even to the point of being on the brink of losing everything.

Most of us when we go through hard times pick ourselves up and work to fixing the problems.  We scrimp and live frugally.  We change our lifestyle in order to reduce the need for financial resources.  In other words we adopt a simpler lifestyle.  Sometimes this simpler lifestyle gives us a means to a sort of financial independence.  I have seen many men who made large annual incomes yet although they had more “nice stuff” they did not have any independence and their overall happiness with their lives was lower.

As I see it financial independence is such that I could live my life and do what I want when I want.  This may not entail having the resources to become a jetsetter but being able to live comfortably on a minimal annual income stream has always been a goal of mine.  My current lifestyle allows me to work only a few hours per day.  With the income that comes in I can tend my garden and pursue many of my other interests.  Some of these pursuits also make money which offsets the costs of my various hobbies.  As things in my life stabilize, I believe that in the next 24 months I will be living a much more carefree life filling my days with my children’s laughter and the satisfaction of doing the things I most want to do.  That is freedom.  I don’t mind doing the hard work to live naturally and off of my land reloading my own ammo or working on my turbo cars.  Freedom does not necessitate I drive an $80,000 car or live in a 5000 sq/ft house.  A nice home on some land and my current collection of fast cars is plenty for me.  This was a goal I though even my ex-wife was interested in.

However, for many women my ideal would never be enough.  They would always want that big house, a big diamond and the expensive car to drive.  In their gut they will desire to acquire the symbols of social status, including the hot alpha man if they can pull it off, but a beta will do if he makes enough money.  Many women have been raised to expect this either by being brought up in a household with higher than average income or being married to or involved with successful (but beta) men.  Of course they need a man to work his ass of so she can realize her ambitions, which is the common denominator in all of this.  These women will trade whatever they need to and nothing more to secure a mans resources.  This can be her conditional sexual intimacy, children and even a cleverly disguised feigned genuine interest in the man’s goals and ambitions.  I have seen this far too often.  My ex-wife admitted this to me one day in not so many words and C has also admitted to me that they were both very interested and supportive of my ambitions until it became apparent they too would need to work hard and help me if they were to benefit from my labors.  These women acted the same differing only by degrees and detail in the execution of their overall plans to run away as soon as it became necessary that their hands might get dirty.  Upon realizing this I had decided I will never work for a woman ever again.  I will only work for me.  She may follow me and even possibly enjoy SOME of the fruits of my labors if she helps out, but she will never be either the motivation or the sole recipient of these fruits.  I will never buy a woman a house or car.  I will not pay for her hobbies such as her horses.  The only thing she offered me was sex and escorts and young sluts can provide that if necessary and for a much lower overall cost.  Most women will make excuses and run whenever it became necessary for them to help their man out a jam.  This is why it is important to never rely on a woman or her help in order for you to realize your goals.  Of course this was not always the situation, but it now seems the norm with the modern woman.

My ex-wife is living the typical post divorce lifestyle.  I really do feel bad for her, but the choice was all hers and so are the consequences.  She seems to be just getting by but is not doing well by any means.  Many of my influences, such as simple and holistic living, have rubbed off on her and her current lifestyle depicts this, but her execution of my influences is terribly flawed, which is why she will always struggle financially until she either gets remarried or gets a higher paying job thus trading much of her freedom of choice for more financial security. She would also have to stop homeschooling our daughters at this time.  Between her added expenses of paying for her own household without my help and her desire to keep my children away from me, she is running ragged by her situation and it shows.  She is starting to look like shit.  She needs a roommate to help her financially because she is unable to afford live on her income alone.  She eschewed being married to me, a loving and faithful husband who worked hard for his family and a father for our children to living with various other women with their (probable illegitimate) children which only accelerates my daughters being fucked up even more.  She will have no choice, like most divorced women, but to find (settle for) and marry a man who can (put her on a pedestal) provide for her financially.  My mother did this, my brother’s fiancé with her 3 children from 3 different men is doing this with my brother and C had been attempting to groom me to do this for her. Almost every other divorced woman I know or have met aspires to this same end if they have not already succeeded in securing their provider chump after their run on the carousel.  This illuminates several other problems and issues I will address in later essays but suffice it to say although she has tried I won’t be this fucking guy.  However, this essay is not about my ex-wife, it is about my former lover C.

I am going to use her as an example because it is a perfect one in my opinion, to show how the modern woman thinks in these and similar situations.  It also shows why I have no desire to bust my ass for an older slutty woman, a single mother, a reborn again Christian virgin, or a feminist.  In Financial Frame I explained some of the dynamics at play.  One thing I want to mention is that she made a very big deal about how she made more money than me.  I personally did not have a problem with that personally, but she did.  She stated that men feel inferior when their woman earns more. I think that Rollo had it right when he wrote about this dynamic conflicting with her Hypergamic nature,

She was raised in an upper middle class home with a SAHM and had never had to go hungry or worry if there was money to buy shoes.  Her parents have more than $3 million in the bank from what I understand.  In and of itself that’s good.  My family was quite poor growing up and I don’t wish than on anyone.  When she graduated high school at 18 she was engaged to and lived with a guy and apparently she worked but they were pretty broke.  Now to be fair, her parents made her work from a young age and instilled a good work ethic in her.  In this regard she was awesome and at first I thought she would be an asset to my endeavors, but as was shown above, she only expended her energies for things that would benefit her directly and immediately.  The two main drawbacks to her upbringing are that her mother is a narcissist and due to inadequate bonding caused C to have acquired a form of Borderline Personality Disorder as many American women currently have to some degree and she was brought up by her beta father to be a Strong Independent Woman®.  As I incorrectly assumed that my wife would assist me in getting back on track, I also erroneously assumed that C would also assist me in setting up a life that we both could benefit from and enjoy. That was apparently not the case.

Continuing with her story, when she was about 20 she moved in with a 40 year old man she worked for a within a week after they started dating.  This man was also broke from the divorce he JUST went through although he owned the company she worked for.  So because she worked for her future fiancé she was getting a paycheck and he was unable to draw a sufficient one for himself the first year.  She helped pay their bills during this time.  After a year he was apparently back on his feet and all was well in her world.  He bought her some horses and a farm in order to have them at home.  To give you an idea on this man’s wealth he owned a ½ million dollar boat race team.  He died after they were together for about 13 years and she inherited the bulk of his estate, not his children from what I understand.  They never ended up getting married and he committed suicide when she left him, at least that’s her story.  She could have been fucking everyone behind his back for all I know.

She seemed to have been an asset for this man.  Judging by her stories she helped with the boat team and was integral in the operation of his companies.  It is apparent that this man made her an alpha widow.  Allegedly, he was her 3rd sexual partner and the last before she became unable to pair bond to another man.  She told me she had about 6 other sexual partners after him and I was her 10th.  Yeah right.  It became obvious that because this man’s history, situation, including having 2 daughters and our personalities being strikingly similar, I was to become his replacement for her.  Unfortunately for her, she was all used up by the time her and I met, not only sexually, but emotionally as well which caused me to decide that she was unqualified for any serious investment on my part.  Furthermore, it just grated on me when she made comparisons between he and I. I did call her out on that shit when it occurred and ignored her for a week or so.  Out of her admitted number of past sexual partners there were 3 STR with lesser alphas or greater betas, and the rest were likely pretty beta. I can only surmise by listening to her talk about these men and asking questions. Thankfully, I was wise enough to see from the beginning she had been searching for her first alpha’s replacement by engaging in serial monogamy coupled with a young fuck buddy and a couple of Craigslist hookups with her playing the unicorn.

Fast forward to about 18 months ago and this is where we met.  She could not afford groceries, she never had much if any cash available and she ALWAYS used her credit cards to buy everything.  I think she had like a dozen of them at this time.

Her financial picture is as follows.  She spent about ½ the estate she inherited on her horses to the tune of more than $250k-$300k.  She works as a secretary for a company making over $50k/year.  When we met she was deeply in debt to the tune of $105k for credit cards and about $300k for real-estate for a total debt load of $405k.  With her other assets she is about $200k in the black.  Not good at all, her liabilities really offset her otherwise considerable assets.  And she is only a secretary with no education, which is interesting. At her rate of burning through her finances she would have been broke long before she was able to retire had I not taught her how to fix her situation.  Now she is in a much better financial position and she has been able to retain 90% of her assets while reducing her considerable liabilities.  I was happy to assist her in the off chance I ended up deciding to commit to her for the long term, but as it turned out I would need her help in the future.

She apparently slept with all the right men until she met me. All of the other men made good money at their jobs.  I even saw a past email she wrote to a friend where she boasted that four men she was dating consecutively all made over $100k/yr.  When I read this her real intentions became crystal clear to me.

Between business challenges and my wife leaving me I was both an emotional and financial wreck.  I sold some assets to barely live off of for the first year.  It was hard and things got shut off from time to time but I made it.  I will admit she did help me out in small ways, but never in a way that would have alleviated any of the considerable pressure I was under at the time.  When she ended the relationship, at a time I REALLY needed her help, she stated very clearly that, “if I am with you I would feel obligated to help you, so in order for me to not feel this obligation I have decided to end this relationship between us”.  She also stated afterwards, “I feel guilty about doing this, so can you just tell me it’s ok, (for being a bitch -my thoughts) so I won’t feel so bad about this?”  I cannot even comment on the selfishness of her words and how her hamster must be running at light speed.  She also mumbled something about all the other men wearing her out.  I think I chuckled at that. I know that it was a nuclear shit test in the order of 100 megatons.  This one was even bigger than the ones she gave about me banging younger woman because she is too old and how I blew off her concerns about the woman I fucked a couple of times during our most recent break up.  The only way I could have diffused this one was when I told her that I am fine with her leaving if she was that selfish and really trying to meaning it.  Either way, I failed in defusing that particular bomb.  I am now indifferent to her, which may even make her want to come back to me, unfortunately.  I had to call her last night (about 3 days after breakup) for some information she had that I needed and I was pretty well indifferent to her.  She asked how I was doing, feigning concern, and I flatly told her I was doing well (I am honestly) and I was hustling up more work.  I never asked how she was doing, nor did I particularly care to be honest.  She did however make it clear she was alone on a Saturday night.  I figured she would be out mining for men again, but I think she mentioned something about her going back to online dating in the spring which is mating season after all.

I will be more diligent of assuming a more amused mastery in my future relationships because ALL WOMEN ARE IN FACT JUST LIKE HER and women do not have any empathy for a man’s problems.  She had to make she also told me she always had money to pay for her stuff, and “she liked her nice stuff”.  Maybe that’s how she managed to burn through so much of her money on just bullshit with nothing of any real value to show.  Her shit test was her hamster validating her rationalizations for leaving me because she did not want to loan me $1000.  That was all I needed and she had the money.  I would have paid her back in 60 – 90 days and I offered her sufficient collateral for this loan.  I hated even having to ask her for this loan for my own egotistical reasons, but if she did loan me the money it would have saved me a bunch of grief.

She never had to struggle financially even when her finances were pretty well fucked before I formulated the plan for her to get out of her pretty dire situation which helped save her ass from impending financial doom.  No good deed goes unpunished.  Like her, most women who are currently or were in the past subsidized by a man (or several men) will refuse to help the man in her life when and should he need it either with physical work and her time or financial help, especially if it would require that she went without a comfort item for a short period of time like buying a new piece of equipment for her hobby.  Women seem to have no moral imperative to do what would be considered right or selfless by men’s standards. I have a friend, who if I asked for his help, he would help even possibly to his own detriment, because he is a good friend and he is knows I would do the same for him. I have FINALLY learned to NEVER ask a woman for help.  Even if I have to sell my ass, it is better than asking for a woman’s assistance on anything in life.  Just to be clear I have no intention of selling my ass or becoming a homo, it was only an example.

This essay might sound whiny and yes, I am bitching about her fucked up thinking, but she really illuminated some very important issues and she showed me who she really is as a person and proved to me that modern women are in fact really fucked up. Her actions and words were very clear and convincing evidence that women don’t suffer like men, a woman will not help a man even if she could because just by virtue of the man needing her help reduces or eliminates his attractiveness to her and no woman want to feel guilty or take responsibility for their actions.

I realized that I never intended to be with her long term because I was seeing her as more and more undesirable by the day.  I knew I could and would do so much better as soon as I got on my feet again and pulled my head out of my ass.  She was too old, had way too many cocks, was an alpha widow and in the end argumentative and domineering.  Her pussy was fun but in the end that’s about all she brought to the table.  As it turns out the best thing happened and I can concentrate on my own life without any distractions from her.  And yes, I will spin more plates dammit.

Please comment if any of you have seen similar situations happen.  I am interested in hearing your stories.

By: MonkeyWerks

For the most part they do suck for relationships and everything else a woman SHOULD be good for such as companionship, sex, being helpful, etc.  Dealing with my impending divorce and the end of a 1+ year relationship I am mad at myself for not realizing this sooner, but I have finally come to grips with this fact.  It is because of this I will likely not seek any type of committed relationship with one in the future.  I saw this article on my blogroll and it made me think.

Some good points Matt Forney’s article:


Loyal Confidant

In the past a man’s wife or mistress would buttress him with her powerful and feminine support. He could ask her advice on matters involving decisions where he needed counsel. Today’s American woman thinks she is on a reality sitcom, and anything you tell her will be shared with all of her friends and then filed away for use against you in the future when you have worn out your usefulness. This is a result of her insatiable hunger for attention. Women are natural gossips, but with the rise of feminist laws that make divorce economically in her best interest combined with this relatively new social phenomenon of attention whoring, you can bet that you are not her number one priority.

In the past a woman knew that when her husband rose in stature, she and the family did too, but now she will be regarded as a Strong, Independent Woman™ for divorce-raping you. When a culture celebrates single motherhood as a woman being brave when in reality she’s just dropping her kids off at her parents and partying with her girlfriends on child support wages, you as a man aren’t anything more than an interchangeable provider. Compare that with some of the sweetest, most feminine girls I met in the Philippines, where I would sit and write and girls would rub my shoulders, ask about my life, and make a sincere effort to comfort me. Western women look at these girls as if they’re stupid and misguided, yet few American women have a successful relationship in the course of their lives.

We know that due to the feminine imperative and hypergamy, American women in general are selfish vile creatures.  In the beginning of my marriage I would ask my ex wife her counsel on matters that I thought her perspective might have been useful.  I tried this with another woman I was recently seeing.  In both cases and in both cases either the advice they gave was terribly flawed or they tried to steer me on a path that would provide them with provisioning to the detriment of my happiness and long term goals.  It is interesting that Matt brings up the fact that American woman have such long histories of mostly failed relationships.

Ability to Manage a Household

Today’s “independent” woman doesn’t give a damn about this. She is more interested in her own career, which is understandable on the surface of things until you consider the types of careers women choose. You will not find many female engineers or doctors. If you do they will be “civil” engineers (the ones with the least specialization) or general practitioners (again, the doctors with the least specialization). Of course, when feminist writers talk about the wage gap between men and women, they make no distinction between a mechanical or chemical engineer (who is much more rigorously trained) or an orthopedic surgeon (ditto), but that is off-topic.

The bottom line is that women think they have no reason to support their husbands, because you are viewed as a companion that serves her, not someone she’s supposed to help aspire to greatness.

It’s funny and yet sad that I still have yet to meet a woman who can cook as well as me.  I had to teach my ex wife to cook, clean and, and well she never did learn how to fuck.  They think that somehow hamburger helper is cooking.  This seems to be the same with most other women I have met.  Tell an American woman that her cooking sucks and watch the steam rise from their ears as they try to convince you that meal from a box was good and nutritious.

Charm and Grace

In days past, a man would have his friends and colleagues over for coffee, dinner, or perhaps poker. His wife would be the consummate host: looking pretty for him was her priority; she would accept compliments on her dress or dinner with a grace that complimented her husband; she would deflect comments that were too forward with a politeness that would leave the speaker feeling ashamed for stepping out of place. The girls I dated in Vietnam were all like this. One girl, Chau, would even insist on viewing every bill after dinner to make sure I didn’t pay too much. She would go get beers for THC and me. It was so refreshing. She only wanted to spend as much of the short time I had there with me.

Today’s American woman is as crass and crude as any man. Regularly speaking in vulgarities that would make sailors of an earlier era blush, today’s Western females can’t even be bothered to put on makeup before going out during the day. A recent conversation with a girl really drove home the point. I was talking to a girl whose parents were Russian, but she herself had been raised in America. She had just recently returned from her first visit to the country and was telling me about how “awful” it was there. Her narrative was so laced with the word “like” that I had to force myself to listen. Her biggest complaint was that one morning when her cousins were going to take her to do some sightseeing, they all woke up relatively early, and she donned her sandals, put her hair in a ponytail and adorned herself with a baseball cap. With self-righteous indignation, she described how her female cousin came to her, took off her baseball cap and said “You are not a man, go change and look like a woman.”

Women in less Westernized countries take pride in their appearance. They want to look pretty for their men and they want them to be pleased with how they look. They’re usually much more fit and they take care of themselves. When I was at the beach in Boracay, I was looking at the local girls so thin and gorgeous, and then right next to them were these land whales from Australia (comparable to the US in terms of fattitude). It turned my stomach.

Feminine Beauty

American women today dress like prostitutes of the past. They regularly go out without any money with the sole purpose of soliciting free drinks. They go in groups with their friends and hang around men who have paid for tables in hopes of being invited over, drink as much for free as they can, and the go to the next table.

American women have gotten to the point of insanity with their sense of entitlement. They expect doors to be held open and dinner to be paid for, ridicule men for not being gentlemen and complain about inequality, all while demanding more and more; yet they don’t offer the slightest hint of ladylike grace or value.

Only a fool that would marry one of these creatures. There is almost no way to combat this beast. American women, manginas and white knights will talk about how my views are from the Stone Age and how women deserve equal rights. And I agree, they do deserve equality, I never said they didn’t, but that means divorce is equal.

I think women should willingly do what I’ve said.

Not because they are forced to.

Consider this: more and more men are being clinically treated for mental disorders and depression than ever before. Over half of American women are prescribed antidepressants.

I guess it is no surprise when my ex wife admitted to me that she agreed to our first date because she wanted a free meal.  Too bad I had already married her.  Add that to her overall and extreme entitlement attitude of “GOD SAID I DESERVE HAPPINESS” she learned in her church and it’s no wonder she left when my income was reduced.  The woman I was recently seeing is the same way except she is 45 years old, has hit the wall and hard, never married without any children.  Her hamster runs a light speed rationalizing how she never wanted kids in the first place and how she was just sooo busy with worthless activities that she has had nothing but failed relationship s in her life and few friends.

I feel like shit most days.  Everything from the pain from my wife leaving me and how I don’t see my kids enough to meeting and kind of falling for another woman soon after that turned out to be worse than my ex wife in many ways.  Add to that the serious financial challenges I am enduring and I see my life as shit.  I find it hard not to just want to lay down and not wake up, but I will wake up and get up and thrive.  It just sucks going through the process.  As most men dealing with these same common issues, we have to go through the healing in order to become the better man on the other side.  And like me bad, ill behaves and rebellious feminist woman were the catalyst for many of our problems.  I have been abandoned in my only two greatest time of need by the two women who wanted my all but were unwilling to give anything of themselves to a man.  Some people may see me blaming these women for all my problems I take full responsibility for my own screw ups, but when a man and woman are SUPPOSEDLY in a committed and loving relationship the couple is supposed to help each other. So for my detractors I will tell you to fuck off.  I am just giving credit where credit is due.

Carpe Diem

If you believe as I do—that men and women are different in more ways than just “their parts”—it’s pretty obvious to me that the feminist myth that men and women are the same has caused women to reject their natural femininity and become masculine. This has led men to become more feminine to try and ingratiate themselves in some attempt at equilibrium in this now socially synthetic environment.

There is no way to stop this social development; you’re better off getting your things and leaving for greener pastures. Men, I’m telling you from personal experience that there are still many many wonderful women out there that were raised in traditional gender roles that will be some of the best people you ever meet.

The only thing you have to do is break free of the Matrix, stop pedestalizing these monsters, and go see the rest of the non-Western world. But that’s an article for another time.

Carpe diem!

There are good woman overseas.  I have met many of them and had sex with them when I was in the Marines.  Their families are cool and it is these women who are the last bastion of proper femininity.  American women are truly monsters as Matt states.  Most men have experienced this, unfortunately only a few of us have the balls to talk about it.

And of course from Roosh


By: MonkeyWerks

First off I would be remiss if I did not give you some tools to save your marriage.  If that’s not possible or you choose not to continue to THE LIST

What to do when divorcing your wife

This is a good checklist of what men should consider doing when divorce is in the air.  Many of the items listed here should be done even if you and your wife are happily married because at some point she may not be haaaappppy any longer.  I did some of these things during my marriage and it worked out well in these instances.  The things I did not do caused me problems.  Ignore at your own peril.


WHY ARE YOU HERE?? This is not a silly question. You are about to learn a whole new meaning of the term, “rebuttable presumption,” and why it applies exclusively to you in Family Court.

Trust me; you’re in for the fight of your life. If you’re not prepared, you can bet the other side will rebut you right out of fatherhood and into poverty. Your children, with your current and future finances, will be out of your life forevermore.

Your goal therefore, demands a strong offense. This requires dedication, support, “pro-active” planning, and lots of research. In other words, PREPARATION IS EVERYTHING!!

The following list is neither conclusive nor is it exhaustive. For that matter, not all of it will apply to you. Nevertheless, its intent is to get you to think, ask hard questions, and above all, to be prepared. Copy it. Print it. NEVER let your STBX see it.

What ever you do, NEVER LEAVE YOUR MARITAL RESIDENCE unless ordered by the court!! If you do, your STBX is free to do unto you as you are about to do unto her. It’ll be a mistake that’ll cost you dearly.

If you’re not THOROUGHLY prepared, the other side will find your weakness and work you over. Their primary purpose is to “soften you up” and get you to give up custody WILLINGLY!! “THEY HAVE METHODS!!” They’ll even recruit your attorney and get you to sign documents you’ll
later regret. If you’re not prepared, and if you fail to choose your attorney wisely, there’ll be nothing left of you when they’re done.

If your STBX files first, she’s already plotted her next 10 moves against you. This is not where you want to be. If she files first, you can expect:

1) a restraining order that evicts you from your house and prevents you from contacting your kids.

2) to pay temporary child support, temporary alimony, community debt, and/or bills accumulated by your STBX during these proceedings. This can be 1 to 3 years. You’ll be bankrupt well before trial.

3) to pay court costs and other fees, in addition to expenses mentioned above: GAL; Custody/Child Evaluator; Psychological evaluation; Your STBX’s attorney fees.


Their goal is to “bleed you dry” and beat you into submission. You’ll never see the last of their dirty tricks. It behooves you therefore to be very prepared very early.


If you’ve got “skeletons” in your closet, prepare accordingly, ahead of time. Do likewise with your STBX’s skeletons. Gather all incriminating info while you can. Never give her the opportunity to cover her tracks.

For starters, develop an EARLY GAME PLAN to win custody. Execute your play according to YOUR timetable. Pick your shots. Make them count. Timing is everything. Keep the other side off balance. This is very important.

Lay out a trap-line for your STBX. Perpetually work on setting her up for the fall. You know her weakness. Bait her!! Give her every opportunity to make a mistake. Spring your trap in front of the camera and in front of witnesses. Document everything.

Everything must be documented in a WELL-WORDED journal. What you write must be factual and correct. At trial, your journal will be a valuable source of events, dates, and patterns of behavior. Your journal should also contain surprises to keep the other side off balance. Most
importantly, your journal will discredit fabricated testimony and lies you can expect from the other side.

Along with your journal, gather supporting evidence with photos and videos. Put a trace program on the computer and a recorder on the phone. Don’t be afraid to record phone calls. Make it your business to know where your STBX goes in cyber-space. Above all get witnesses, especially professionals involved with your STBX & kids. You may want to hire a PI. A visit to your local spy shop will be very worthwhile. Think of it as an investment.

Your journal, together with supporting evidence, will help you. More correctly, they will help your attorney. Remember, your attorney is only as effective as the information you give him. If he gets little from you, you can expect little in return.

Type and/or otherwise arrange journal notes well in advance of trial. Reserve plenty of time to review your journal with your attorney. You must bond with your attorney, and he must bond with you. Both of you must be “reading from the same page” between now and trial. Be sure save your original journal draft. You may need it.

YOUR JOURNAL IS THE TEMPLATE OF YOUR CASE!! Guard it carefully. It contains secrets the other side would love to have. Above all, BEWARE of so-called “neutral third parties,” like the GAL or Custody Evaluator. These thugs are anything but neutral. They will specifically target their report and/or testimony to discredit everything you’ve written. To guard against subpoena, address each page to your attorney. Remember, the primary purpose of your journal is to rebut and/or otherwise discredit the lies and fabricated testimony that’ll come from the other side. THIS IS OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE!!

Never sign anything the custody evaluator asks you to sign – even if it’s a scrap of paper that states you agree to XYZ conditions. This is a trap. Anything you sign becomes a bona-fide legal document that will be used against you in court.

PLOTTING DATA (patterns of behavior) from your journal:

It’s very important to have supporting evidence to back up your documentation. Photos and witnesses are ideal. However, you can’t always count on people, nor can you count on having a camera when you need one. Therefore, you must build your case with what you have. YOUR JOURNAL!!

If done properly and consistently, your journal becomes the heart and soul of your case. It is filled with important data. This data shows your STBX’s pattern of behavior over time. In other words, you can scientifically predict how your STBX will behave based upon the data you’ve collected. Remember, when plotting scientific data of any nature, you can expect surprises. Remember, surprises are what keeps the other side off balance.

Data from your journal can be plotted on a graph, a pie chart, or bar chart. For comparison, it’s a good idea to use all of the above. You’ll need Excel software.

Plotted data are much easier to interpret, both for the judge and your attorney. Plotted data show large blocks of evidence at a glance; ie, parenting history/behavior. This helps rebut the built-in bias of the system, and scientifically supports your bid for custody.

Keep in mind, a single “judgment error” will NEVER get the judge’s attention. However, a “PATTERN” of well-documented judgment errors, supported by evidence, will make a difference.

Remember, neither the judge nor your attorney want to sift through endless streams of relatively “meaningless” journal data. Consider your audience. It’s up to you to make things as easy as possible for them both.

SET YOURSELF UP TO WIN!! Pay attention to detail. Follow through on leads. Don’t get side-tracked!! Use only what works for you.


1) Get involved with a network of parent educators.

2) Make time for play dates and/or parties. Invite parent-chaperones who will observe you as a Superdad in fine form. Make sure mothers are invited. Ideally, they should be solidly married, above reproach, and will not be disparaged for having an affair with you.

These are great sources for collateral witnesses.

2) Enroll yourself and/or your kids in classes/counseling/treatment as necessary: Parenting classes; Co-parenting classes; Anger management; Counseling for kids caught-in-the-middle; enroll in a Children’s First program; Alcohol/drug treatment. Read contemporary books and literature
on the above subject matter. Take the initiative. Become informed. Do whatever it takes. Don’t wait ’til it’s too late.

3) The most important witnesses are court-appointed professionals, so-called “neutral third parties.” They include; the home study evaluator, the forensic evaluator, the custody evaluator, the psychologist, the play therapist, and the GAL. Tread lightly with these people. They are
anything but neutral. These thugs are “GOD” in determining custody decisions. Keep in mind, the judge is gonna rule whatever they recommend. They live by one fundamental principle, “Dads be damned.”

Whatever you do, NEVER agree to any form of binding mediation. You’ll be giving up all your rights to further litigation. You’d just as well sell your soul to the Devil.

From the beginning, you must “attempt” get these witnesses on your side. They are the “tie-breaker.” Truth be known, it’s their job to insure the race isn’t even close, much less a “tie.” Nevertheless, do your best. Be sure to document everything.

a) It’s their job to not like you.
b) It’s their job to fabricate lies about you.
c) It’s their job to soften you up and trick you into giving up custody before trial.

Remember “rebuttable presumption?” Some state’s statutes declare both fathers and mothers have an equal right to parent their children. In this phase, that right is summarily taken from you. In other words, the game is rigged. It should come as no surprise, gender discrimination is rife within the Judicial Branch of Government.

With that in mind, you might consider hiring a private custody evaluator. The idea is to bring conflicting opinion/testimony with you to court. This is one sure way to minimize a GAL’s highly biased testimony/report.

Additionally, make sure to get documentation/history of any violence, both physical and/or verbal/psychological. Is your STBX any threat to herself, to you, to your kids, or to anyone else? Evidence of this nature is critical to rebut an already biased GAL report/testimony.

I’ve heard of ONE (1) favorable recommend from a GAL. This dad was a school teacher. He was thoroughly professional and very well connected. Additionally he graduated with “honors” from parenting classes and had become a state-certified foster parent. In other words, he had credentials the rest of us don’t have or can’t get. The GAL liked this dad because he was “one of them.”

In family court, the average “Joe Six-Pack” has a 90% chance of losing. That’s why your journal and witness list are of the utmost importance.

Here’s another example. Risky? Hell yes! But the results are what counts.

Both Parties agreed, together with the judge, to allow the final custody decision to be handled by a custody evaluator. Dad’s attorney was familiar with this evaluator and requested that she hear testimony. STBX’s attorney also agreed with the request.

The evaluator met with both attorneys prior to taking testimony. She strongly advised that the Parties settle ahead of time. (Note: This is why you never agree to binding mediation.)

At this critical moment, Dad’s attorney revealed the existence of a detailed journal together with a substantial body of evidence. He suggested the Parties walk away with dignity and share custody between them. As a result, Dad’s STBX agreed to share both physical and legal custody without the evaluator deciding for them.

Dad’s guess is that his attorney had spooked his STBX in prior courtroom encounters. She gave up without a fight, certainly not because she wanted to. Of that, Dad is sure.

The lesson here is that Dad’s attorney had taken the initiative to thoroughly study the journal well in advance. As a result, Dad’s attorney was convinced that the journal would tip the balance in an occasion such as this.

Thus: a detailed journal + a good attorney + strategy = Victory

There was another dad that “bought” his STBX out. He got the house, the kids, and everything for $70K. Still another dad got out of paying alimony for a mere $11K. I realize this sounds like a lot all at once. But over time, it’s a bargain. Remember, let your attorney handle the negotiating process.

MOVING ON: Your WITNESS LIST must be exhaustive. Other than court-appointed professionals, people that see you with your children and/or otherwise know you personally are going to be your best witnesses. Remember, not everyone will support you, nor will they be available when you need them.

Potential witnesses include: Extended family; neighbors; day care, school professionals; parent volunteers; medical professionals; adult activity leaders.


This is war. You must approach this as a top-secret military operation.

1) Thou shalt not raise any suspicions. DO NOT TELEGRAPH YOUR INTENTIONS.
a) Thou shalt not tell anyone what you’re up to, ESPECIALLY YOUR STBX.
b) Thou shalt not share information with anyone about anything.
c) Thou shalt take care of business like nothing’s going on.

2) Thou shalt not get side-tracked. This is “crunch time.” Manage your time wisely.

3) Thou shalt maintain thy Poker Face. Get prepared for the long hall.


Have minimal contact with your STBX. NEVER be in a position where she can allege domestic violence of any kind. It’s best not to be alone with her. Always have a witness with you.

1) Be very careful when you are alone with your STBX.
a) She can file false domestic violence charges “at will,” and have you thrown in jail.
b) She can get a restraining order “at will,” and have you kicked out of your house.

2) “Thou shalt ALWAYS bite the bullet.” At the same, “Thou shalt ALWAYS be bulding thy case.”
a) Thou shalt not argue. Thou shalt not fight. Thou shalt not provoke thy STBX.
b) Thou shalt go the extra mile to be civil. Thou shalt be Mr Nice Guy.

3) Never engage in any form of business with your ex, no matter how much the deal “appears” to be in your favor. It will be a trap you’ll regret ’til your dying day. Remember, there ain’t no free lunch. You can always expect a pay-back down the road.


1) Get involved with your kids as much as possible.
a) Assume the role of primary caretaker well in advance.
b) This’ll set you up for primary, if not 50/50 shared primary custody. This is your goal. Never lose sight of that!!

2) Make everything you do in the best interest of your kids. Always go the extra mile.

Give your STBX a day off every week. “That’s OK, Honey. I’ll take care of this. Why don’t you go shopping?” Take advantage to document parenting time, and snoop around when she’s not home.

The following sites offer charts to document parenting time and other relevant issues. Use them to help plan what you need to do.

“Cardinal Rule” No 4……. GET CONNECTED!! STAY INFORMED!!

1) Familiarize yourself with Family Laws, Administrative Rules, and court procedures.
a) You must understand the court process and how the family law system works.
b) It is your responsibility to know anything and everything that applies to you.
c) Mastery of your state’s Family Code will confer advantage to you in the courtroom.

As a father, you have rights. However, the goal of the judicial junta is to deny, and/or otherwise undermine those rights; ie, “rebuttable presumption.” You’ve gotta be prepared.

2) Read books on winning custody. Read only those that work for you.

3) Get connected with a dads support group. This helps you stay focused. It’s the most important thing you can do.
a) With networking, your proactive effort becomes leveraged exponentially.
b) Whether you gather or share, information is the prerequisite to constructive action.
c) Hang out with winners. When things heat up, you’ll need their support.
d) AVOID losers and “nay-sayers.” They’ll drag you down.

4) BEWARE of your limitations. Find out what works for you and what doesn’t.

You’ll never survive if you do this alone. As discussed above, court-appointed professionals are not what they seem. They are wolves in sheep’s clothing. They have no conscience.


BEWARE OF WOLVES IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING. BEWARE of attorneys who “claim” to know everything. They talk the talk, but don’t walk the walk. Remember, you want results, not a compromise. Take your time. Shop around. Ask hard questions. Make your choice carefully.

Your attorney’s specialty should be representing fathers in family court. HE MUST KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. He shouldn’t expect a large retainer. He should tell you his win/loss record as well as your chances of winning. He should tell you his billing policy. He should be well-connected. He should know judges and court-appointed professionals; GAL’s, custody evaluators, psychologists, etc.

It’s no secret. Attorneys are 99% of the problem. So……

1) Be prepared, well in advance, BEFORE you choose an attorney. Know what to expect.
a) Above all, watch for “RED FLAGS.”

2) Your attorney works for you. You must know ahead of time what you want and stick to it.
a) Never allow your attorney to dissuade you from your ultimate goal.
b) Never display “eager-to-deal.”
c) Never allow your attorney to drag the process out unnecessarily. For starters, get a trial date set ASAP. Don’t haggle over “little things.” Stay focused. Keep the pressure on.

Be prepared to tell your attorney everything, especially the truth. Be prepared to follow his advice.

3) NEVER “assume” that your attorney will know everything.
a) Most of your knowledge will come from your support network; i.e., experienced fathers who have tenacity and know the ropes.

4) Never expect your attorney to do “everything.”
a) Manage your case actively and personally.

5) If your attorney advises you to take the “high road,” find another one ASAP.
a) THIS IS WAR!! If you’re gonna lose, go down fighting dirty.

6) Find a paralegal who’s father friendly, one who’s experienced with family law.
a) As you know, some nurses know more than doctors. The same hold true for paralegals and attorneys.
b) Find one you can count on. This is an important Plan B resource.

7) Speaking of Plan B, ALWAYS have a back-up for everything. You never know when you’ll need it.
a) If you have doubts, NEVER think twice about getting a second opinion.
b) For that matter, never think twice about getting a different attorney.

8) As things progress, assess your chances of winning; best case versus worst case scenario. BE REALISTIC!!
a) If you have a “reasonable” chance of winning, then go for it, and go early.
b) If you have “serious” doubts about winning, then settle early. Cut the best deal you can.

9) NEVER expect fairness from your STBX, much less fairness from the Family Court system.
a) Realistically, your chances of winning are 3 in 100.
b) If your ex is a junkie, a < edited >, a 3-time convicted felon, or any combination of the above, she’ll win custody 97% of the time. These numbers are realistic.

This gives you some idea of what you’re up against. Remember, you are at the mercy of Family Court thugs. The system is designed to degrade you and to bankrupt you. They’ll force you spend your money any way they can. Like the “dog” that you are, they have tactics that bring
you to “heel.” THEY DON’T LIKE YOU!!


You know your STBX better than anyone. You know what’s important to her. You also know her weakness. Between now and trial, you will find that your STBX is “her own favorite charity.” Her greed will soon become evident. Learn to exploit that to your advantage. For now, find out
what she wants.

At this stage, your STBX’s “wants” are potential bargaining chips that can be exchanged later for things of importance to you, like property division/alimony.

Above all, never give her your children. They are not bargaining chips!! They are non-negotiable!! This is not open for discussion!! Stick to your guns!!

1) NEVER give, nor agree to give, anything to your STBX unless:
a) the judge orders it.
b) you get something of significance in return.
c) you get it in writing.
d) you get it from your attorney.

Remember at this stage, ANY conversation, agreement, or discussion MUST go through your attorney. No matter how much you hurt, never let your STBX back into your comfort zone.

2) Keep a list of everything you give to your STBX. Use items on that list as bargaining chips later on.

During the course of your marriage, giving freely to your wife was second nature. You never thought twice about it. Today however, she is something other than your “wife.” Nevertheless, she still expects this “arrangement” of giving to continue. Worse yet, court professionals think this way too. You’ve gotta be careful.

For example, if you give her “this” today, tomorrow she’ll ask for “that.” She’ll nickel and dime you for every “little thing,” one piece at a time. It’ll never end. Before you know it, she’ll have all your “bargaining chips” and you’ll have nothing. BEWARE of this trap. You need to terminate this practice immediately. There’s a time for property division. That time isn’t
now. NEVER GIVE YOUR STBX ANYTHING!! Stick to your guns.

Remember, bargaining chips are very important. Individually, they may seem insignificant. Collectively however, and when “cashed in” at the right time, they WILL make a difference. If a bargaining chip has value for her, then it CERTAINLY has “value” for you. Never forget that.

Nevertheless, “IF” you must give her anything, make her sign a receipt for it. Think if it as an “advance” in property settlement. Be sure to list the item’s “replacement cost.” That receipt is now a bona-fide “document.” Use it later as a bargaining chip when you divide community property. When the time is right, you can make her pay dearly for all those “little
things” she took in advance.

“Cardinal Rule” No 7……. YOU FILE FIRST!! This is of the utmost importance.

For starters, you are forever the plaintiff and she’s the defendant. That’s a good thing. You get the opening shot. You design the playing field. You’ve got the momentum.

1) The secret is:
a) do not relent.
b) Maintain the upper hand.
c) Set the rules of the game.

Remember, there’s no guarantee that you’ll prevail on every issue. But it’s much better than starting the game on her terms.

2) A good lawyer is essential.

3) It’s extremely important to you know want and that you are in a position to direct the outcome.

HOWEVER, file ONLY when you’ve got a solid game plan, and ONLY when you’re ready. In other words, you pick the fight, when and where, on your terms. You want “home court advantage.”

Surprise is everything. If you catch her off-guard, your STBX will be playing “catch-up” ’til trial, and beyond. THAT’S THE WHOLE IDEA!! If you’re thoroughly prepared, and follow-through on details, she’ll never catch up.

Remember, if you get temporary custody at this stage, and if you’ve done your homework, and if everything goes according to plan, your chances for permanent custody are virtually assured. All this of course, depends on your attorney, your journal, the thoroughness of your strategy/game plan, and your commitment to active case management. Meanwhile…..

Get complete information on your STBX and children: Full names, aliases, maiden and nick names, other names used; dates and places of birth/death; Social Security numbers; Driver’s License numbers; etc.

Get every document you can think of. Leave no stone unturned. Some documents will be difficult, if not impossible to get. If/when you get stuck, move on. Do your research well in advance, BEFORE you separate. If you are thorough, you’ll reap huge dividends at trial.

Store ALL documents in a safe deposit box in your name only. These include:

1) Tax returns for the last several years.
2) Marriage license; pre-nuptial agreement.
3) Documents from your STBX’s previous marriage/divorce.
4) Birth/death certificates.
5) Passports, green cards, immigration documents.
6) DMV record(s); criminal history.
7) Thorough background check on your STBX. Hire a PI if necessary.
School records; college/high school diploma(s); transcript(s).
9) Medical and life insurance policies; will(s).
10) Deeds; titles; leases; contracts.
11) Bank statements; stocks, bonds and securities.
12) Retirement, pension, IRA, 401K, Keogh.
13) Credit report.
14) Family photos; heirlooms.

Make sure you have passwords/access codes to ALL computers, bank accounts, credit cards, etc. Try them out. Make sure they work. Reset computer passwords with new software.

Get the following for your children:

1) Recent photos of your children, in clothes they typically wear.
2) Documentation of their physical descriptions.
3) Social Security, Student Body, and State ID cards.
4) Medical history, related info, and documents.
5) Immunization records.
6) Health history and/or special needs.
7) History of behavioral issues.
History of prescription medication.

CONTACT INFO for STBX and children: friends; extended family; service providers, doctors; school, counselors, day care; etc. If your STBX runs off with your kids, you’ll need to track them down.

STBX’s previous marriage and children:

1) Is she getting alimony and/or child support? How much? Paid by who?
a) Can she get alimony re-instated from her previous ex?

2) What was the value of her property settlement? What did she bring into your marriage?

3) Were any of her past debts serviced during the course of your marriage?

Remember, issues like these can, and do make a difference in property settlement. More importantly, this info might show “bad faith” or “intent.” In other words, is your STBX is using marriage as a means of embezzlement or early retirement? Are you her next target?

STBX’s school & job info:

1) Level of education/continuing education.

2) Current level and duration of employment/unemployment/underemployment/non-employment status.
a) Salary history and benefits package.
b) Career path.
c) Job skills.
d) Anticipated raises and/or promotions.
e) Anticipated career/job change.

3) Document willingness, or lack thereof, to become employed, better employed, or otherwise permanently self-sustaining.
a) You want to minimize potential alimony and child support as much as possible.


Take inventory of everything you own. List the difference between “cash value” and “replacement cost.” There is a difference!! Back-up your written inventory with videos, pictures, and appraisals. Store everything in a safe place.

COMMUNITY ASSETS: Are they greater than you think? Where did it all go?

Before, or during your marriage, did your STBX set up any form of “asset protection” where she is named beneficiary? Remember, assets could be in her name or under an alias. Perhaps a friend, a relative, a bank, or an attorney has assets “buried” for your STBX under an alias, or within a corporation? These are all good places to hide marital assets:

1) Real estate.
2) Stocks, bonds.
3) LLC’s, corporations, trusts.
4) Businesses; ventures. partnerships.
5) Off-shore holdings; bank accounts; investments.


During the course of your marriage, did your STBX, or did your STBX force/insist that you:

1) Give/piss away monies, assets, or property of any kind?
2) Did she waste money on herself? eg: college, clothes, jewelry, or cosmetic surgery?
3) Did she spend money on an outside relationship?
4) Did she waste money on a home business?
5) Did she forge your signature on any checks or documents?
6) Did she waste money on failed drug/alcohol treatment?

Remember, issues like these make a difference in property settlement.


Make a thorough list of assets, equity, debt, monthly income, and expenses. List everything, including names that appear on each document. Don’t forget student loans and day care. Your list must include: current values; dates of acquisition and purchase price; payment and income history (paid by/earned by who?). Your list must be exhaustive!!

Note: Any debt acquired during your marriage is a community debt. A student loan however, is more complicated. In essence, you are taking an “asset” with you and leaving a debt behind. If you anticipate paying child support and/or alimony, you could argue the increased income is a
direct result of this asset. It is therefore simultaneously captured thru the debt, i.e.; your greater income potential would not be possible without the accompanying debt. Obviously, the other side will argue for higher support and leave you with your mountain of student loan debt
at the same time. In other words, they want it both ways. Chances are, the judge will agree.

Real estate: Purchase price; equity; down payment; mortgage balance; monthly payment; maintenance; improvements; etc. Get your house appraised. Apply for refinancing. The numbers won’t be equal. Such differences can be significant in property settlement.

Also include: Vehicles; boats; RV’s; condo time shares; business/partnership interests/equity; credit cards; stocks & bonds; bank and investment accounts; jewelry and other items of value; etc.

Don’t forget: Debts; gifts; inheritance; any type of “windfall;” lottery winnings; etc.


a) If you take the “high road,” you will lose.
b) If you compromise, you will lose.

2) Once you file, keep the heat on. NEVER let up on your STBX.
a) It’s up to you to maintain momentum and keep pressure on your STBX “CONTINUALLY.” Your attorney can’t possibly do this for you. This is your fight and yours alone.

3) Filing first sets the tone for the entire process.
a) The chances of winning or losing depends “SIGNIFICANTLY” upon who files first.
b) Filing first gives you distinct advantage. You control the high ground.
c) NEVER compromise your position nor your advantage.

4) As D-Day approaches:
a) Entice your STBX to voluntarily leave, WITHOUT THE KIDS. Bribe her if necessary.
b) While she’s gone, clean out the house, take the kids, and file your court documents.

5) The moment D-Day arrives, you become “THE TERMINATOR.”
a) You instantly change from Dr Jeckyl to Mr Hyde. No more Mr Nice Guy.
b) NEVER show mercy. Take no prisoners.
c) This is war!! NEVER LOOK BACK!!

6) File your family court documents with the court clerk. Be sure the clerk date-stamps your documents. Then:

7) Go immediately to ex parte.
a) Get a temporary restraining order against your STBX.
b) Get temporary orders for “exclusive occupancy” of your house. That means your STBX gets evicted from your marital residence.
c) Get orders granting you temporary sole custody of your kids. Say she is unfit and a risk to the kids due to ___________ (you think of something).
d) Get temporary orders for supervised < parenting time >.
e) Get orders for temporary child support and temporary alimony.

8) Give copies of your restraining order to the school, daycare, your employer, etc.
a) Notify anyone involved with your kids that you have a restraining order against your STBX.

9) Change all locks and alarm codes on your house and car.
a) Change passwords on everything, especially on bank and credit/debit cards. Deny your STBX access to any form of money.

10) Get a vicious dog that barks at your STBX.
a) That’ll keep her from snooping around when you’re not home.
b) Reward him to reinforce that behavior.

11) Get a new, unpublished phone number. Route all mail to a new PO Box.

12) Have your STBX’s mail stopped.
a) Return her unopened mail to sender.

13) Remove your STBX’s name from your health, life, vision, and life insurance policies.

14) Remove your STBX’s name as beneficiary from your retirement accounts.
a) Remove your STBX’s name as beneficiary from your will.

15) Inform companies with whom you do business that you want new passwords on your accounts; insurance, bank, etc. Instruct them that passwords must be used before releasing information or changing anything.

16) REMOVE ALL cash from joint accounts.
a) Close all joint credit card accounts.
b) If any accounts are in your name, but where she is authorized, cancel her.

17) Remove your name from the title and insurance for any car your STBX drives.
a) Remove her name from the title and insurance for any car you drive.
b) NEVER ALLOW your STBX to drive any car that is in your name.
c) NEVER be responsible for your STBX’s driving behavior. From now on, she’s a liability.

1 NEVER OFFER your STBX her clothes and/or personal necessities. Wait ’til she asks.
a) Make her sign a receipt for anything she takes. NO EXCEPTIONS!!
b) Store her personal belongings in boxes. Set them on the sidewalk where she can pick them up and leave immediately. More importantly, she’ll have no reason to roam through your house.

c) Release her belongings ONLY if she signs a receipt, and ONLY if she has a police escort.

19) File charges and PROSECUTE your STBX for any domestic violence. DO NOT DROP any charges.

20) Inform your employer that you want your calls screened.
a) If your STBX calls, call the police and file a restraining order violation. DON’T EVEN THINK TWICE!!
b) Use your employer’s receptionist is a witness.

Do all of the above. Leave no stone unturned. These measures set the tone ’til trial. Cut off your STBX’s money and resources early in the game. Do anything and everything that hinders her bid for custody. THIS IS WAR!! NEVER LOOK BACK!!

MEANWHILE: Focus on the basics. Fine-tune your game plan. Work on strategy. Keep it simple.

Don’t forget, ALWAYS HAVE A CONTINGENCY PLAN for everything (Plan B)

Get your financial house in order. Clean out/close out everything, especially joint accounts. Take “convenience” out of purchasing. This includes credit cards, on-line purchasing, and other “lines-of-credit” you’ve established over time. This vicious cycle must be broken.

Except for essentials, don’t buy anything. If you must buy, pay with cash. Pay all bills the old-fashioned way. Write a check and drop it in the mail. Keep a record of bills that get paid.

“IN YOUR NAME ONLY” – Route all mail to a new PO Box. Get a new cell phone. Keep it secure. Use it for “IMPORTANT” business only. Open savings and checking accounts at a different bank. Get a new safe deposit box to store cash, valuables, and documents. Open new Visa & Mastercard accounts. Use them only for “EMERGENCIES.” Get a line of credit as large as you can. Rent a storage locker to stash large items of value. Remember your inventory? Manage it closely. Get new passwords for everything, including credit cards, PC, & ATM.

STASH YOUR CASH in your new safe deposit box. Another option is to open a “secured” Visa/MasterCard account. The bank takes $XXXX.00 from one account deposits it in an interest-drawing “trust.” Meanwhile, use the credit card as usual up to the secured dollar amount. You can deposit additional funds as they become available. This/these transaction(s)
don’t “appear” on bank or credit card statements. There’s just less cash in your account.

MOVING ON – Convert what you can to cash. Think, “D-O-W-N-S-I-Z-E.” Sell everything. Pay bills and reduce debt as much as possible. Save all receipts and bills of sale. You may need to account for everything later.

THIS MEANS: Cancel subscriptions and non-essential services. Cash in stocks and bonds. Sell the Lexus, the Suburban, the RV, and the boat. Sell your time shares for the condo, jewelery, china, and silverware. Include anything and everything you can think of. That means “boy’s
toys” too. You’re not gonna have time for them once the proceeding begins.

Before selling your house, convert your equity into cash by refinancing. You’re gonna need it. Remember, there’s no guarantee that a sale will occur any time soon. For that matter, there’s no guarantee you’ll get your asking price. Furthermore, with commissions, taxes, fix-up and
misc expenses, your equity could dwindle to something far less than you expected. It’s best to cash out while you can.

The idea is to liquidate what you can ahead of time, while you have time. You won’t have that luxury later. The time to sell is BEFORE you really have to. If you wait ’til the last minute, you’ll be selling at a deep discount.

Keep plenty of cash on hand so there’s no paper trail. You’ll need this for “emergencies.” For starters, earmark $10K for attorney fees and court expenses. Expect to need more later.


Now is a great time to consider career options. They may be offered at work, or you may have to be creative: early retirement; continuing education; sabbatical; voluntarily lay-off/termination. Collect unemployment, severance package, restructure your career path. Do anything to minimize gross pay and maximize time spent getting prepared.

Postpone raises and promotions (if possible). Get your employer to tuck away a percentage of your salary where it can’t be touched. Think, “asset protection.” The idea is to minimize child support and alimony payments. You can return to your career path when this is over.

You may want to cash out your retirement/401K. Your STBX is gonna get half. You may as well get the other half. Your “rainy day” is here.

I know this sounds like a lot. It is. There’s a lot at stake. Remember, the war starts the moment you file. Once you file, all hell’s gonna break loose. You’ll barely have time to keep up with details that follow, much less play “catch-up” or track down any of the above.

Rule of thumb = Preparation means everything


A word from The List’s author

Although I consider my knowledge of family court to be extensive, I could never have compiled such a vast body of information alone.

My primary purpose in writing The List was to compile a “scattered” body of information into a single composition, something with a “voice,” something that would make “perfect sense” to a battered population of fathers in the throes of divorce. I wanted fathers caught in a hopeless situation to have hope.

Secondly, I wanted to provide “tools” whereby fathers could actively manager their case. Such information is either hidden or deliberately made unavailable to fathers who are crippled by a gender abusive system.

Third, I wanted to expose gender bias, the true terror of every family court setting. Indeed, until the evil of this judicial junta is exposed, nothing will change.

The List is nothing more than a “rough draft.” Nevertheless, The List in it’s current state is well worth sharing. I believe if The List helps even one father, my efforts will have been worth while. In reality, I have received resounding acclimation from many who visit dadsdivorce. In other words, The List is a hands-on guide that works.

Having said that, I’ll say this. If divorce is in your future, you’re about to discover how/why “rebuttable presumption” applies exclusively to you. Truth is, you’re facing a gender-biased system like no other. Unless you settle out of court, you’d just as well give your STBX everything she wants and save yourself a lot of time, trouble, and money. If you’re a contender however, it behooves you to be attentive to what follows. It’ll make a world of difference both now, and at trial.

It goes without saying, divorce is for keeps. Either you fight to the death or else lose everything. Those are the choices. Remember, once the decree is signed, each term and condition is set in stone. Regardless of what others tell you, there’s no second chance. That’s why it’s imperative to get a good start. Hopefully, that good start will result in a good finish.

The List provides hands-on strategies for winning. Without it, your chances of winning are slim to none. At the very least, you’ll come out a helluva lot better than had you not applied The List at all.

The List is based upon personal experience combined with experiences of others who’ve been thru Family Court. The information provided is based upon what works, what really works, and what’ll set you up to win. Conversely, The List also tells what doesn’t work, what really doesn’t work, and what is certain to set you up for failure.

Those of us from pre-internet days will recall an era when fathers were at the mercy of attorneys and the Family Court system. For those of us who dared, pro se became the option of necessity.

The system today however, is very well-entrenched, more so than ever. But with the advent of internet, today’s fathers can get the kind of help we couldn’t have imagined.

Granted, there are web sites that claim to offer help. Tragically however, few provide useful knowledge for fathers in trouble. If you’re looking for fluff, you won’t find it here. The information contained in The List is useable. More importantly, it’s doable.

No attorney will provide The List’s information for you. In fact, he may dissuade you from considering any of the following. Regardless, your only chance of winning is by applying The List’s principles to your situation. This is your job, and yours alone. With stakes this high, you’d be foolish to ignore The List’s content or allow anyone to perform these tasks for you.

If you’re a dad facing a contested divorce, your only priority is to fight with everything you can muster. It’s gotta be all or nothing!! Other priorities from henceforth no longer exist. BE FOREWARNED!! This is the most important war you’ll ever wage. Your opponent is formidable. Indeed, family Court is more than your worst nightmare. It’s hell on earth.

For starters, you must understand only one thing. The Family Court system is dominated, controlled, and otherwise regulated by man-eating feminists. They are part and parcel of a gender-biased branch of government that wields at-will discriminatory authority. As you will discover, they are contemporary social engineers of the highest order. Their job is to fabricate lies, put a spin on truth, and separate you from your children. Except for mother’s benefit, state statutes have zero relevance. Unless you’re thoroughly prepared, the judge will order whatever they want. This isn’t the Twilight Zone. This is Family Court!!

Having said that, I’ll say this. If you play Mr Congeniality or fail to prepare, the other side will rebut you out of fatherhood and into poverty. This is my only guarantee. Other than that, there are no guarantees.

By definition, the other side is everybody but you. Generally, this applies to your STBX. However, it also applies to the judicial junta that supports her. This junta is staffed with little Hitlers. They’re gangsters and you’re trespassing on their turf. They use a tag-team strategy like no other. Their collective goal is to encircle you and compel you to submit to their outrageous terms. Faultless parenting on your part means nothing to these thugs. Your one alternative is preparation. Indeed, is preparation is the only thing!!

If you’re not thoroughly prepared, they’ll establish psychological advantage early in the first quarter. They’ll have you dancing to their tune. They’ll have you trapped in their hall of smoke and mirrors. They’ll surprise you at every turn. They’ll maintain a full-court-press and force you to submit to less-than-favorable terms.

This is not where you want to be. If it is, your children will be out of your life forevermore. When all is said and done, your role as a father will be reduced to that of “visitor.” For all intents and purposes, your parental rights will be terminated. This is no lie. I speak from first-hand experience.

With that in mind, it is absolutely essential to build a strong case early in the game. This is no time for compromise. It must be all or nothing. This requires 100% effort: dedication; networking; (pro)active planning; (pro)active case management; endless research. Preparation is everything!! Failing to prepare is preparing to fail. I trust we are clear thus far.

Finally, The List is no mere body of suggestions. Additionally, it’s neither conclusive nor exhaustive. Instead, treat it as a manual of do’s and don’t’s. Although this sounds like an oxymoron, Family Court is an oxymoron all its own. It’s a venue where things are not as they seem. Its purpose is to deceive you at every turn. That’s why you must be prepared and stay on your toes. None of this is rocket science. However, it does take some getting used to.

The important thing is to follow The List in principle. Its purpose is to empower you with a mindset for victory. It’s a guide that’ll help you think, ask hard questions, and be prepared. Your job is to decide what works and what doesn’t. When you discover something that works, it’s imperative that you use it to your advantage. In other words, use The List as a guide to build a list of your own.

The List’s most important theme however, is that you stay on your toes, watch your back, and never give up. Moreover, never trust your STBX or anyone associated with Family Court. Your job is to perpetually anticipate other side’s next move and prepare accordingly.

At the onset, your most critical strategy is to create opportunities out of virtually nothing and leverage them into something significant, namely advantage. The idea is to compound opportunity upon opportunity. As new opportunities are generated, your advantage becomes exponentially leveraged. The trick however, is to maintain that advantage, thereby forcing your STBX to perpetually play catch-up. Ideally, she should never catch up. If she can’t catch up, she has no time to prepare for court. If she’s not prepared, your chances of winning are enhanced significantly. This is the recipe for your quest to victory. I trust we are clear thus far.

Tom Kirkpatrick
Author of The List