How many times have we seen our friends move in with a woman or have their girlfriends move in with them and then later the relationship always fails and your friend is worse off than if he had not lived with his girlfriend?  I see this all of the time.

But it gets worse for men who live with their girlfriends.  Now we have some interesting data that living with a woman is worse for your health than living alone.

Married men were more likely than cohabiting men and other not-married men to have had a health care visit in the past 12 months.

Figure 1. Percentage of men aged 18–64 with at least one health care visit in past 12 months, by marital status: United States, 2011–2012

db154_fig1

Regardless of age, married men were more likely than cohabiting men and other not-married men to have had a health care visit in the past 12 months.

Men aged 45–64 (79.6%) were more likely than men aged 18–44 (64.1%) to have had a health care visit in the past 12 months. However, the association of marriage and cohabitation with men’s use of health care was generally consistent regardless of age. Among both age groups, men who were married were more likely than cohabiting men and other not-married men to have had a health care visit within the past year. Cohabiting men were less likely than other not-married men to have had a health care visit within the past year (Figure 2).

Figure 2. Percentage of men aged 18–64 who had at least one health care visit in past 12 months, by age and marital status: United States, 2011–2012

db154_fig2

Married men were more likely than cohabiting men and other not-married men to have received recommended clinical preventive services in the past 12 months.

The U.S. Preventive Services Task Force recommends that, on a regular basis, all adults have their blood pressure checked, men aged 35 and over have their blood cholesterol checked, and adults with hypertension be screened for type 2 diabetes (3). Marriage and cohabitation were both related to men’s receipt of these clinical preventive services. Among men for whom the service was recommended, receipt of each service was more likely for those who were married than for those who were cohabitating or not married. Cholesterol and diabetes screenings were less likely for cohabiting men than for other not-married men (Figure 4).

db154_fig4

Summary

Married men were more likely than not-married men to have had a health care visit within the past 12 months. This association was observed for both younger and older men, but only among men with health insurance. When men have the means to access health care, spouses may play a role in their use of health care by directly encouraging men to seek preventive care and by indirectly evoking in men a sense of economic and social obligation to the family (1,2).

The results suggest that cohabiting partners do not play a similar health-promoting role. Compared with both married men and other not-married men, cohabiting men were less likely to have had a health care visit. They were also less likely to have had selected clinical preventive services in the past 12 months, including blood pressure checks and screenings for elevated cholesterol and diabetes. In fact, cohabiting men are a group particularly at risk of not receiving clinical preventive services recommended by the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force. Only about one-half of men in this group for whom cholesterol and diabetes screenings are recommended had received these screenings in the past 12 months.

Summary and charts from the CDC:

So what does all of this tell us?  Married men are usually encouraged by their wives to take better care of themselves and go to the doctor for preventative health care services.  Single men living alone are less likely to go to the doctors but still they seek out preventative medicine in substantial numbers.  For men who cohabitate with a woman they are the least likely to go to the doctors for preventative medicine and they take care of themselves the least.  It seems that they are less healthy overall than both married and single men living alone.

Looking at this as a social dynamic, I speculate that the women these men live with care much less about them than a wife would.  Living with a woman is so much different than living with your wife (who you did not live with previous to marriage) for a variety of reason.  There is a subconscious dynamic that although it initially may be hard to see, it is there.  Not only will you be less healthy but you will be less happy overall.  There is never a good reason to live with a girlfriend.  Just ask yourself what are the benefits that you cannot get living alone, with male roommates, or even just marrying her?  Will she appreciate you more?  Will you have more and better sex?  Will your girlfriend whom you agreed to live with love you more?

I think the worst thing a man could do is live with a woman and then marry her.  The dynamics involved will almost certainly assure that not only will the marriage ultimately fail but the marriages that do in fact succeed (in relative terms) the man will be more miserable overall.  In these situations such as this the man becomes preconditioned by the faulty premise of the previous cohabitation dynamic.  Thus the merging of the different dynamics from cohabitation to then marriage is such that most men are powerless to navigate the minefield of a woman’s hypergamy and solipsism.  Maybe she really loves you and wants to always be around you.  That is fine, but remember, the anxiety she may feel when you two are not together is the same emotion that helps keeps her attracted to you.  When you agreeing to live with her you take away that anxiety and you lose your power and most importantly room to maneuver and you might die sooner.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4
NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren’t married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.

Advertisements
Comments
  1. Don Dressel says:

    Yes I live with my wife now as we just got married last october and had lived together for 22 years before that. My friends who have girlfriends and live apart from them are much better off than I. My wife and I are going through turmoil right now as she has told me she is not happy and does not know why! Women go figure!

  2. monkeywerks says:

    Women are not hard to understand, but it takes learning to see through their actions and words. I would recommend you read http://dalrock.wordpress.com/ and http://therationalmale.com/ of course I will try to shed light on thigs here too. If you have kids with this woman I cannot implore you enough to read Dalrock and The Rational Male. Also check out Chateau Heartiste.

    I have to ask you, why did you marry her if you lived with her for so long already?

    I made a promise to myself when I moved out at 19 that I will never live with a woman unless I was married to her. Many asked and tried to move in but I always said no. I even made sure they didn’t leave any of their things at my house.

  3. Wow, I’ve seen this play out with a couple who is friends with us… the husband was unhappy and “miserable” within a month of marriage and was complaining to me about his wife (side note: no one should ever complain to a third party about their partner!), but it shocked me that this was happening, and that he honestly felt that way, only ONE MONTH after their wedding! What on earth?

    But they had lived together for 2 years before, so I think that the cohabitation had a lot to do with marriage not meeting up to each other’s expectations, and then causing the unhappiness at the beginning. They are better now, but it took years to work it out.

  4. monkeywerks says:

    Alot of people think the marriage certificate is just a piece of paper. Although I oppose state marriages it is the principle I am talking about here. I am still trying to wrap my head around it but I see a change in the dynamic between cohabitation and then married and living together. I think the issue of expectations may be quite relevant. I also think that the act of getting married and THEN moving together is very important for a couple to experience.

    On another note, I do not see why a man would want to live with a woman unless he had too. I realize its oh so tempting because we love you girls so much, but cohabitation lessens a mans options and freedoms and those freedoms should only be sacrificed when there is a total commitment from a woman.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s