A lot of what is written by me and other sphere bloggers is usually pretty negative.  Most of us do not end up here from positive circumstances.  Myself, I ended up here after my wife left me a few years ago.  Right after my wife left me I met a woman I will always remember.  The end of our relationship was pretty bad, but I never want to forget the good parts.  It is the good parts I live for.

The year+ I spent with her was probably one of the best years of my life for so many reasons.  First I want to say that many of my happiest times have been with women that I have been in love with.  It is something about loving that, well I love.  It’s not that I am particularly beta but I have always been willing to care deeply for a woman I am with, and even fall in love.  I hope I never become so hard of heart that I can no longer fall in love with a woman.  Breakup’s hurt for sure, but to me the temporary pain has always been worth the joy of being with the wonderful women I have dated and loved over the years.  Remember, it’s not beta to love.  It is beta to love ignorantly or naively. I am not still pining after her, because we had to breakup.  We would not have worked out in the long run.  Of course there were negatives, there are always a few, but I choose to concentrate on the good in all of my past relationships while learning from the bad parts.  I also want to mention that I am also completely happy being alone, as I am currently.  I sincerely believe that if a man cannot be happy alone he will never find happiness with a woman.  Being alone does not equate to being lonely.   Ok, on with the memories.

Christine was my rebound from after my wife left me, but I still don’t feel that our relationship was the normal post breakup one.  Who knows?  It’s the first time I had a marriage end and the first time I had jumped into another LTR right after.

I can still feel the joy in my heart remembering many of the good times had together.  These memories are sometimes triggered by a song, a picture, or even a scent. I can still feel her in my arms some nights when I am alone.  I think often of the amazing sex we had and how she was one of only a few women in my life who I connected to on that deep of a level.  She might have been my best actually.  I would say that there were so many more good times than bad when we were together.  I have a feeling that she still feels much the same way.  It was the look in her eyes, her smile and the giddiness the last time I saw her a couple of months ago.  I wish I would have met her a decade ago, things would have probably worked out better then.

I remember a trip we took to up north where I don’t remember loving someone so much is such a long time.  I remember the feel of her skin as my hand rested on her upper thigh as we drove through the countryside.  We picked apples on the way home that we found growing wild in a farmer’s field.  I remember how sweet her kisses were back then and wonderful her body looked in that white sundress.  We made love constantly that summer, giving all we had to each other.

Another memory I have is how I always felt wonderful every time we were together, even doing the simple things of everyday life.  I remember the many Sundays were we made love all day long and finally slept wrapped up tight together in each other arms.  I would make coffee while she dressed for work.  I loved making dinner for her.  I have yet to meet a woman who can out cook me.

I remember every time we went riding on her horses.  I remember the playfulness between us while we groomed Nuit and Tigger and the happiness on her face knowing that I was genuinely interested in her passion.  I miss those days where we would ride until the sun came down and spend the evening taking care of the horses then going to her house where I would cook dinner for both of us.  There was usually a shared shower in there somewhere.

With her I was able to feel totally comfortable and open, a feeling I rarely ever feel with anyone.  She was a good woman to me.  She was totally giving of herself, her spirit and her body.  Unfortunately my heart had not healed from my marriage ending and we would have never made it because of that.

The moral of this letter is simple.  Love smartly.  It is worth it.  Relationships and breakups happen.  They suck, but they only suck for a bit once a man figures himself out.  Do not be the man who is so hard of heart that he refuses to love.  I will always love her like I will always love my wife.  I may have hated some of their behaviors but I will always keep love in my heart instead of hate.

And remember the good times.

  1. […] our sex life was lame, I looked at porn, she pulled a Jenny Erickson and left.  On the other hand an ex girlfriend of mine not only told me she believed her job was to keep me utterly satisfied, our sex life was such that […]

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