DO NOT NEVER EVER Date a Horse Chick

Posted: December 20, 2013 in Dating, Sex and Love
Tags: , , , , , , ,

By: Monkey Werks

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Regardless of how hot she looks in those tight britches, finding a normal woman who happens to own horses seems akin to finding her riding a unicorn.

First read this article from Return of Kings: Avoid Women with Horses.

But I will tell you this, and this is the moral of the story.

Avoid, with all of your might, women who have horses.  It is the reddest of red flags.

Imagine, if you will, a woman with 3 children from 3 different fathers, who insists on hyphenating her name if you were to ever marry, who has a ton of cats, and majored in Women’s Studies with a Masters in Social Justice.

That woman is more reliable, sane, stable, and trustworthy than a woman with a horse.  Women with horses are plagued with financial problems (not to mention psychological), and if they aren’t, they are so rich and deluded you will not even be able to compete with a dumb, inferior animal.

The world of women is already pockmarked with landmines of an unfathomable variety.  You can easily sidestep one as clearly marked by horses.

Watch the video, it has a personal importance to me.

Terry and I are Eskimo Brothers.  Watch the video below for a funny description of what this is.  When I saw this I laughed my ass off for like 2 hours.

We banged the same chick about 5 years apart.  She is into horses.  She loves her horses more than people.  She spends all her money and time on her horses.  Every decision she makes somehow involves her keeping and paying for her horses, even to the extreme detriment of her financial future and any romantic relationships she is in.  I liked her horses but fuck, they are fucking livestock and if the SHTF they are food.  So anyways, I thought I would post this because it was, you guessed it, her sick horse, and the fact that she was probably going to dump thousands of dollars into him that helped bring about the recent end to our relationship, because she had to make a choice, which for a normal woman shouldn’t have been all that hard to make the right choice, which never even involved getting rid of her fucking horse.

Her pussy was tight and yes she would do absolutely anything sexual that I could think of, but is that worth bat-shit crazy and bankruptcy?  I’ll let you decide.

Some various comments below from the web.  I have seen all of this and more after only a year with a horse chick.  Terry spent 4 years with the same one and his stories are like WTF!

Yes, I’m telling you guise. The chicks literally fall in love with the horse. You will constantly be compared in every aspect to the horse, in which you can never win b/c the horse can do no wrong. The chick then gets frustrated at you and begins to despise you….

They are not insane but emotionally they are different from you and I
They love horses but a horse does not show love back, he just cares about food and drink and he will not love you back like a dog
This can fuck up with their perspective of life and they will learn not to love others just like the horse has done to them
Smash but leave right after would be my advice

Think back to all the girls you know who are crazy horse lovers. Bet you they’re all fuking crazy as chit


I lived with a girl who worked at my gym, knew she was a little nutty
Anyway, come to find out when I moved in:
1. The wall had sheet metal horse replica/art on it.
2. The silverwear had horses on it and was styled in the horse-theme
3. Horse plates and cook wear (srs)
4. Horse blankets
Horse everything honest, she used that hair-n-mane shampoo that has a horse on the cover too.
Craziest bitch I ever knew.

My wife is a horse nut and our house is everything horses (even the cookie jars are horse related/all paintings are of horses etc)…and horse women ARE weird….met very few over 20 years who are normal…a different breed.

Lol I worked at a tack store on high school that sold all sorts of horse related chit…. Long story short I’ve met more crazies in a one year time span working there than I ever care to meet again. Old horse ladies are the worst.

Dated a girl from the south for a year, she rode horses and competed, so was did all her gf. none had bf’s I can see now why.
From there on out, I swore if I heard the words I love riding horses, shes a hit it and quit it.

I spend alot of free time on a horse ranch aroudn two horse women, they even say horse girls are crazy and to avoid them TROLOLOL…
they are ALL nuts.

I can confirm this, I am brother of crazy horse lover…

Because their horses are their BFs (srs)
Horses make them orgasm/get wet because of the motion of riding them, so they form a very intimate bond

In my dorm I lived next to the boyfriend of a screamer who also happened to be a horse nut. She’d post creepy statuses about her horse romance on FB.

100% true.
They use the horses as a replacement for a man. Except the horse will do what they want and they can control it.
Same reason why most lesbians have a big dog. Replaces both the men and children in their lives.

Its bc they’re clits are desensitized so they are mad at the world.

glad to know this is common knowledge and some of you guys are staying safe

my sister for one.

seems legit

hmm… My mom loves horses and owned one as a girl, and she is bat**** crazy. Interesting

I honestly think any girl who favors a particular animal has some crazy ass screw loose with the exception of dogs. Srs

out of lurk-mode i come to confirm this. dated one and she was bat****ter crazy

My mother bred dogs for years, registered with OKC, dog shows, all that jazz etc. Has friends in the same business. They’re all crazy as **** and many are divorced or live alone. My mom’s crazy as fuk too.

Then there’s cat lady’s and they’re always fuarked as well.

Too fukking true.
First girl I ever dated was in love with horses and was actually bat sh*t insane, I mean I’ve met crazy girls but this girl was next level.

I also might add that girls who seem to like snowboarding are cool as fukk.

I went to a school on the outskirts of the suburbs/country and my friends, brother and I all had a theory that horse chicks were slutty/crazy.
Almost without fail this theory has been proven time and time again, spot on OP.

Can confirm this theory as well.
First dated horse girl for 4 months, waste of my summer. Crazy ****ing broad telling me she secretly wanted to throw her best friend into traffic and crazy laugh. Her legs were amazing tho..
Second girl went on a first date, she didn’t wash, she smelt and was all sorts of crazy. Then gave me a wtf look when I wouldn’t plow her in car and told her to go inside.
Third girl another first date, this girls hair was like complete grease. Had a bitch attitude and expected me to pay for everything, no thanks for the night or anything. Did not call back. She rage posted crap on fb and deleted me a week later.
Will not happen again unless body and personality are normal. These freaks were from dating sites, so I guess it was expected.

“horse girls” are almost invariably weird in some way.

I can confirm this. First GF was a horse lover and a total slut. Found out afterwards..

My god…. This is true.

Weirdest girl in my high school rode horses and was obsessed with them.

Used to **** around with a horse girl… holy fuk, all suspicions are true. Bish is the craziest, neediest chick I’ve ever met.

Is this a serious mental condition or just a weird coincidence?
Misc doctors?

First girlfriend i had was a horse rider.

Brb u should always come with me and watch me
brb why wont you clean the horse shiat with me
why dont you wake up at six in the morning on your free weekend to go to the horse
brb my girlfriends boyfriend always helps cleaning stall and horse
brb if you want to keep dating me…you gotta take me and my horse in a pack

brb fkn dumped her..not a single horse was seen again

you’re really onto something. I met a girl who really liked horses, bish gave me a lap dance then face raped me…. in front of about 50 people.

ex of mine must of fukked in excess of 70 guys (obviously i didnt know this before we started to smash) crazy about horses, major daddy issues (heroin overdose scumbag) I’m 90% convinced shes fukked her horse (srs)

Ok, there are some positive things about horse chicks such as riding makes their pussies tighter, most are in shape and, well that’s about it, but the list below and the comments above, makes it pretty clear that most, if not all, are probably sluts.

20 Reasons To Date a Horseback Rider

1.We have 4 speeds and many positions.
2.We wear tight pants and tall boots.
3.We love getting dirty.
4.We know how to ride our mounts.
5.We perform well with animals.
6.We like to be in control.
7.We’ll ride it for hours.
8.We know how to handle a big girth.
9.We get off easy.
10.We’re always on top.

11.We like it rough.
12.We have our legs spread all day long.
13.We love using whips.
14.Straddling is our natural position.
15.We don’t mind being bucked around.
16.Endurance riders do it longer.
17.We can ride standing or sitting.
18.We think the fast ones are the most fun.
19.We’re used to having hands between our legs.
20.If we fall off we get back on and ride harder.

Or you can just be this guy.

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Comments
  1. […] It was the issue with her horses that ultimately caused the plan to fail in her mind.  See the article on women with horses and you will understand this […]

  2. […] the motivation or the sole recipient of these fruits.  I will never buy a woman a house or car.  I will not pay for her hobbies such as her horses.  The only thing she offered me was sex and escorts and young sluts can provide that if necessary […]

    • marc says:

      was married for 28 years , the bitch was into horses, never helped with every day expenses, just kept spending her wages on the 4 legged money pit now she has another sugar daddy with cash…good luck with your new fool!

      • monkeywerks says:

        As the old saying goes the best way to have a small fortune in horses is to begin with a large fortune. Yes, she told me that one. She should have not been surprised to hear me tell her I had no intention of paying for the beasts.

  3. Lilly says:

    I would have to disagree with this, now yes a girl puts money into her horses and yes we pay a lot of attention to them but that doesn’t make us crazy, we pay attention to our horses because there social animals. Also we put money into them because there pets, I mean a girl with dogs pays for them to go to the vet right but she’s not concidered crazy is she? So really what the hell is the big difference that I’m missing here? Girls obsess over their dogs, they spend a lot of time with them, for god sakes some of them even carry them around in pursses but nope their still not crazy, so please tell me what’s the difference besides the size of the animal and the price for vets?

    • monkeywerks says:

      I would not date a woman who carried her dog around in her purse either. As with anything there are exceptions to the rule. In my situation I actually like the whole idea of the horses and riding seeing as I like animals in general, and not just with ketchup. I wanted to ride with her as much as I could and we in fact rode together when we could.

      However, every decision in her life revolved around her horses; such as I have to rixe xx days per week, I have to spend xx money on this or that, etc, etc. In the end, and similar to the situation a man would find when he dates a single mother, the horses came first ALWAYS.

      Dont get me wrong there was definitely an upside. For a woman in her mid 40’s, never married and no children she had the body of a 28 year old. Sex with her was also wonderful, which as told to me by her and her horse friends in explicit detail was a byproduct of muscle the development from years of riding, specifically posting a trot.

      Any woman who desires my commitment needs to put ME first. Not an animal with a 25 year life span or even a child who will leave at 20 or so. That is the main point.

    • monkeywerks says:

      Its crazy to pay more attention to an animal and beast of burden than to your husband or boyfriend. As the horse was one of her accessories, so was I.

      • xolauren93 says:

        Hahaha oh my gosh this was literally the funniest thing I’ve ever read!! Thank you all for the laugh.

        So here’s my take on the situation, from a girl who apparently must be riding a unicorn.

        1. Horse chicks are weird. Therefore, spend time with your horse, be genuinely nice to the people of your barn and get out while you have your sanity. While I enjoy trail riding with fellow riders every once in a while, riding is my therapy and I don’t wanna hear about the “barn drama” or anything about your crazy amount of horses. I don’t know how you eat owing a bunch anyway.

        2. Let’s move into the finance aspect. Horses. Are. Expensive. Period. There’s no way to ever deny that. Do you know how much it costs just to have a vet come for any type of emergency call?! Hope you weren’t planning on a date night! That is, unless you have properly secured yourself a job and can budget the needed cost of proper care for your horse as well as your significant other. You don’t just pay your flat rate for the actual horse honey. There’s so much more. There’s boarding, feed, dental care, shots, ferriers, and any type of medicine your horse may need. So please, if you have no concept of your money and how to budget appropriately, don’t buy a horse!

        3. Posting pictures of riding or something sweet about your pet is cute. Please don’t overdo it and make things creepy and become the obsessive horse rider. Post every once in a while about your fury friend, but no one wants to see anyone obsess over ANYTHING on Facebook. Keep it to yourself people.

        4. Please, for the betterment of the world, do not buy horse stuff for the house! A blankets cool, or a nice picture of your horse in the house is fine, but there is just something so wrong with horse statues, a huge amount of random horse pictures, horse related anything in the kitchen or anywhere other than the barn. Riding and loving your horse is your personal thing. Keep it that way.

        5. Be selective of who you talk to about anything horse related. Those who don’t know the horse world or don’t seem interested DONT WANT TO HEAR IT! Pay attention to the social cues and keep any talk about “Brownie” between the few who know you the best and who ask you about the horse.

        6. For the guys who say horse girls are sluts, you’re hilarious. As a matter of fact I myself am your proof of the non slut. I don’t and will never date anyone without thinking they could possibly be the one who I’m with forever. I won’t sleep with you until after married or at least well into the relationship (must be over at least a year). Why? Because I’m worth it. Riding teaches you a lot about who you are. It has nothing to do with the ridiculous quotes on those stupid websites or shirts. It’s about learning to trust. you’ve learned to trust the 1,200 lbs animal you have, so you have every ability to learn to trust a guy with your heart. But you know it takes time and a lot of work in order to give it away. It’s about learning to be commited. You’ve worked hard to gain the confidence and respect of your horse. It didn’t happen over night. You know things take time and are more than willing to take things as slow as needed, but never give up. It’s about learning to fall and get back up and try things again, but maybe a different way. You fell off your horse? Cool. You might hurt for a little while, but you get right back on and keep going. You’ve learned that just because you’ve been hurt before doesn’t mean it will happen again.

        Pretty sure I’ve covered all the main points at this point.
        Xoxo Lauren

  4. Jen says:

    Damn somebody clearly is bitter from being hurt by a chick who was into horses lol xD I’m into them and I can personally guarantee that we’re not ALL crazy…don’t assume so much

  5. xolauren93 says:

    Hahaha oh my gosh this was literally the funniest thing I’ve ever read!! Thank you all for the laugh.

    So here’s my take on the situation, from a girl who apparently must be riding a unicorn.

    1. Horse chicks are weird. Therefore, spend time with your horse, be genuinely nice to the people of your barn and get out while you have your sanity. While I enjoy trail riding with fellow riders every once in a while, riding is my therapy and I don’t wanna hear about the “barn drama” or anything about your crazy amount of horses. I don’t know how you eat owing a bunch anyway.

    2. Let’s move into the finance aspect. Horses. Are. Expensive. Period. There’s no way to ever deny that. Do you know how much it costs just to have a vet come for any type of emergency call?! Hope you weren’t planning on a date night! That is, unless you have properly secured yourself a job and can budget the needed cost of proper care for your horse as well as your significant other. You don’t just pay your flat rate for the actual horse honey. There’s so much more. There’s boarding, feed, dental care, shots, ferriers, and any type of medicine your horse may need. So please, if you have no concept of your money and how to budget appropriately, don’t buy a horse!

    3. Posting pictures of riding or something sweet about your pet is cute. Please don’t overdo it and make things creepy and become the obsessive horse rider. Post every once in a while about your fury friend, but no one wants to see anyone obsess over ANYTHING on Facebook. Keep it to yourself people.

    4. Please, for the betterment of the world, do not buy horse stuff for the house! A blankets cool, or a nice picture of your horse in the house is fine, but there is just something so wrong with horse statues, a huge amount of random horse pictures, horse related anything in the kitchen or anywhere other than the barn. Riding and loving your horse is your personal thing. Keep it that way.

    5. Be selective of who you talk to about anything horse related. Those who don’t know the horse world or don’t seem interested DONT WANT TO HEAR IT! Pay attention to the social cues and keep any talk about “Brownie” between the few who know you the best and who ask you about the horse.

    6. For the guys who say horse girls are sluts, you’re hilarious. As a matter of fact I myself am your proof of the non slut. I don’t and will never date anyone without thinking they could possibly be the one who I’m with forever. I won’t sleep with you until after married or at least well into the relationship (must be over at least a year). Why? Because I’m worth it. Riding teaches you a lot about who you are. It has nothing to do with the ridiculous quotes on those stupid websites or shirts. It’s about learning to trust. you’ve learned to trust the 1,200 lbs animal you have, so you have every ability to learn to trust a guy with your heart. But you know it takes time and a lot of work in order to give it away. It’s about learning to be commited. You’ve worked hard to gain the confidence and respect of your horse. It didn’t happen over night. You know things take time and are more than willing to take things as slow as needed, but never give up. It’s about learning to fall and get back up and try things again, but maybe a different way. You fell off your horse? Cool. You might hurt for a little while, but you get right back on and keep going. You’ve learned that just because you’ve been hurt before doesn’t mean it will happen again.

    Pretty sure I’ve covered all the main points at this point.
    Xoxo Lauren

  6. John Smith (Anonymous) says:

    I’m getting a divorce because of horses. I know from experience the hell that is marriage to a horse-nut… and what happens to your marriage when there are horses involved.

    My wife works 80+ hours a week, and has found somehow 20-30 hours a week for a horse. But no time for me, and that got old a long time ago. Especially for a husband who paid the bills while she was in med school, cooked, cleaned, and tried to maintain a business all along. I eventually had to sell my business because my wife wouldn’t help contribute anything to our living expenses when I begged for her to help for months, and I didn’t sleep for months not knowing how we’d keep a roof over our head.

    There was no time for intimacy because she was always too exhausted from work as a physician and then going to the barn. And her excessively opinionated mother reminded me time and time again: “you just need to understand, horses are just something she needs to stay emotionally and mentally healthy from the stresses of her job”. Add to that the intense mother living with us for nearly 5-6 months a year, where there was no room to breath, and her mother thought I was the bane of everything. All her health related issues were somehow my fault. Because of course, it had nothing to do with the fact you were on your feet working 100 hours a week, of course not.

    I knew my wife’s barn girlfriends too. They all had the same problem. None of them where in long term relationships with men, because: “he needs to understand, my horse will always be my priority in life.” Guess what, no man will put up with that bull shit in the long run. That’s why you’re going to be a single old woman. Maybe while you’re young and attractive guys will fall into the trap, but once you get a little older, no guy will want anything to do with your f$%ked up priorities. He will eventually get tired of you having all the time in the world for your horse, and arranging everything in your life around your horse, but you won’t do the same around your husband. I can’t tell you how many hours I lost of my life standing outside a barn in the cold winter counting the minutes away while she was playing with her horse. Why? because I was trying to be the “supportive” husband.

    Here’s a “fun” blast from my past as an example. I came back from a business trip, after working nearly 80 hours myself that week, drove back 6 hours on my birthday, hoping for a romantic evening with my wife. And what did I get? Well, I had to drive her to a large animal hospital 45 minutes away in the middle of the night to pick up meds for her precious horse. Yep, happy birthday to me. You want more? I can write you enough stories to exceed the character limit of this blog entry by 100x.

    I lived 5 years in a neglected marriage. 5 years of an utter lack of intimacy because she was “too tired and I had to just understand”. And her mother constantly reinforced that fact, as if it was normal and expected.

    Well, the reality is this… Take care of your man, cause if he’s a good man, and you neglect him, another woman will see he’s a good man, and take care of him for you. You rode the wrong stallion.

    And yes, you are still an attractive an wealthy woman… but guess what, doesn’t matter how attractive you are, cause if you never have time or energy for sex, your man will not stick around for that.

    I’m just getting to a tip of the iceberg, and in 5 years have enough hair raising stories about what it’s like to be married to a horse nut. I saw $20k in vet bills two years ago because of her “sick horse”. And that was in addition to the other boarding costs! So, yes. It’s #$^%ing expensive!

    And to justify things, she would tell me: “yes, but you have your car hobby, so I have my horses.” Yes, that is true, but so is this… when life calls you to step up and take some responsibilities, inanimate objects can collect dust and there’s no problem. Your horse requires care every damn day, rain or shine, 365 days a year, for 30 damn years. They can’t collect dust like a car, or motorcycle, or boat. And don’t be fooled fellas. Horse women want you to get into an expensive hobby so that is smoke screens you to the reality that is there obsession. So they can use it to justify the time and money they spend on horses.

    I know a ton of horse women, and not a single one has demonstrated an ability to balance their relationship with a man and a horse.

    So do yourself the favor. If you go out on a date with a woman, ask if she owns a horse, rides, is interested in horses, whatever…. if she does, regardless how attractive she is… just leave $40 on the table, get up, tell her “it’s nice to meet you, but I’ve got a family emergency and have to run…” and then run. Run like you’ve never run in your whole life. Run like your happiness and future depend on it… because it does.

    Cause if you don’t and you read this… we’ll… you can add your comment to this thread in 6-24 months time, with your opening line: “someone told me to so, but I was stupid… I should have left the $40 at dinner, ran, and deleted the number from my phone.” … You’ve been warned.

    P.S. – I’m finally happy again. After putting some time and distance to the horse-woman, I’ve finally found happiness again. If I only knew all this 5 years ago.

  7. Gwen says:

    Both my mother and sister are obsessed with horses. Its awful all they ever talk about are fu**ing horses. They have like 12 and are always low on money. I haven’t got a real bond with either of them cos they’re too busy talking to each other about horses and it pisses me off. They’re batshit crazy and they both have more photos of horses than family. My brothers and I are like irritated by how much they go on about this boring subject. Like who gives a f*ck? All my mother’s friends are insane too. They’re all divorced fifty year old women or married women who spend all their husbands money on horse stuff :/ one of them even cheated on her husband and carried on spending his money on horse stuff. They’re all psychos with no perspective.

  8. Jessie says:

    Okay so I definitely can agree that horse girls are a little crazier than most because we basically trust our life to a 1000lb animal, then manage to get that animal to do what we want when it knows it is larger than us and doesn’t have to listen. That takes a bond and trust, which is no easy task. Of course we are proud of that bond when we achieve it, especially if you train your horses yourself. We get thrown, ran over, kicked, and then still get ride back on to continue on our way. That takes balls, more balls than most guys have, so of course some guys get a little jealous because we threaten their masculinity. However, in other aspects we can be perfectly sane, we just don’t take shit off of anyone because we don’t have fear. If we dont fear something that can easily kill us based on one wrong move on our part or theirs, we sure as hell aren’t scared of a person. So yeah, we can be a little crazy like that I suppose.
    However, most horse girls are way more independent than any other type of girl you will ever see because they’ve had to work their ass off taking care of their horse, and a good portion of us havent had a lot of help in doing so. So some girls are clingy, but youre a lot less likely to see those girls among the horse nuts.
    And to say that we are the sluttiest girls? that is a tremendously incorrect statement. Some girls are slutty, some aren’t. That’s across the board for any type of girl. simple as that. MOST horse girls that I’ve met are the least slutty girls I’ve seen, myself included, because theyve learned a lot more responsibility and self respect than other girls; however, granted horse girls are a bit wilder IF we do get involved with someone. but thats a big IF because for the most part, yes, we care about our horses more than most people. However, when we do decide to date someone, its generally someone we REALLY care for, at least in my case, and we know how to put a lot of time, dedication, trust, and care into another being. Now the horse girls that I’ve seen that ARE sluts are some of the biggest sluts. But apparently they didn’t learn alot from working with their horse except how to spread their legs. However, that’s not most girls that work with horses. The ones that are horse nuts don’t spend their spare time anywhere but with our horses so we don’t have time to go spreading our legs elsewhere unless we decide to make time for someone thats of enough importance to keep us away from our horse!

    Sorry if you had a bad experience with a horse girl, but don’t categorize them as batshit crazy clingy sluts due to your experience. That’s a good portion of females in general of any category… most horse girls aren’t like other females though, thats for sure!

    • The issue you fail to address is how horses consume not only an inordinate amount of resources. You did address the time issue and even substantiated that for you relationships do take a backseat to your horses.

      Like one commenter said about his car hobby, he can stick the car in the garage and ignore it for a year if money is tight. Try doing that to your horse hobby.

      My experience was really not all that bad. I genuinely liked riding and I like the animals. It was just an animal is not a person and thus should not take precedence to a person. Its a matter of priorities.

      I will say one thing though, women who ride have some of the tightest pussies ever. There is always that.

  9. jawn says:

    I knew a horse chick who told me she literally married a dude just for a place to keep her horses because he had land…..There is much more to the story but basically this woman completely whored herself out for horses….She had the horse figurines,horse paintings,horse movies.She also owned three dogs and a bird.What kind of man would put up with such crap???Apparantly she found one sucker,but he eventually left her.Now when a woman mentions a horse or I see a horse figurine etc….I cringe.I also have about three other similar stories.Its kinda creepy.Some women think money grows on trees.Trading money for vagina is a raw deal.I never thought I would be the kind a guy to say that men should just rub one out and avoid women completely….but there ya go.Rub it out boys and keep every one of your damn dollars unless you meet a female who has something similar to male logic that doesnt operate on emotion.Men save for rainy days and women spend their money on horses,very well because their first horse ride gave them an orgasm.Somewhere there is a broke old woman crying ,that she should have had a child and a loving husband instead of an animal,who worships at the alter of her old torn sign in the barn which declares,”Its a horse thing,you wouldnt understand.”
    Men do understand and we refuse to go broke and exchange dollars for vagina or a women who collects horses.Seriously????Rub one out boys and keep it moving.Keep your dollars,every last one of them.

  10. David Brogdin says:

    I agree 100%. Horse women are crazy and are Hell cats.

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