How Porn and My Wife Ruined My Marriage

By: MonkeyWerks

This is my first real post on here.  I would have liked to written about something else, but I came across this article that spurned a lot of emotion in me because this was the key excuse my wife used to justify her divorcing me.  The comments are far more illuminating than the article actually.  It shows just how the Christian women think of sex, their husbands and sexuality in general. It will also show you how secular woman think about sex and their husbands.  The Christian men all seem like weak beta’s that are controlled by their wives.  Just going by these comments I would never marry a Christian woman, and if my new wife joined a Church™ I would swiftly have to divorce her because her indoctrination into feminism and all other man hating beliefs would be all but assured.  I told my STBX wife many times that she was way more fun to be around before she found Church™.

This article and many others like it encourage the entitlement and judgmental attitude and are nothing but divorce porn for geared primarily for Christian women.  So as you read the comments to this article you will see several common themes emerge.  These comments show several important things in the way Christian, SoCon and TradCon women think.  These women are just pro-life feminists anyways.

The first is that these anti porn women seem to agree that a man does not need sex.  He may want it, but it is not a need for any man, and men should be severely admonished if they don’t have the self-control to be involuntarily celibate, and they act to relive themselves.  They also agree that a wife is not obligated to have sex or give up sexual intimacy to their husbands at any time.  Sex is only permitted if the wife desires it.  I guess they do not understand what the bible says about sex in marriages and the necessity of having sex often, because at the end of the day, humans are sexual beings and we generally lack the self-control to be celibate long-term.  One man even likened what the bible stated about the necessity of sex in marriage to a man raping his wife.

Another reason these women hate porn is power, power over their husbands sexuality.  It is when woman are allowed to have this power over a man who these same women abuse it by not satisfying the sexual needs of their husbands.  It also sets the marriage in a frame that will minimize the husband’s authority over the family.  Such as anal sex is a sure-fire way to assert dominance over your wife in a way she will also enjoy, if she would just relax, a man must exercise authority over his wife and family and keep this frame at all times.  And yes, most women I have spoken to actually enjoy some butt cocking.

Women want to control men and they do that by attempting to control our sexuality, either by withholding or granting sexual intimacy when sex can be used to the woman’s advantage.  It has nothing to do with a woman actually enjoying sex with their mates or using the act of sexual intimacy as a bonding mechanism in order to strengthen the relationship, it is about the control the woman seeks over the man through his sexual desires.  The stronger a man’s sexual desires are for the woman or the more limited the man’s options, the stronger the woman’s control is over the man, such as wife and her husband.  This is truly the scariest thing about marriage for a man, or it should be.  A domineering wife will destroy their husband in short order, and most men will just let their own destruction happen and wonder why afterwards.  There is a minority of women who realize they have this power, yet they use it constructively, responsibly and to the benefit of the entire family and to the other spouses benefit, which in turns benefits the woman with a more loving, loyal and attentive husband.  Now what wife wouldn’t want a more loving husband?  It’s a shame more woman cannot get out of their own way when it comes to their marriages.  I guess with the messages fed to women on a daily basis, it is no surprise they are so deluded.

Two of the tools theses woman to gain this power is shame and guilt.  Many of these women, who just like my wife, would call men who look at porn perverts, accuse of possibly being child molesters and make many other unfounded and illogical accusations.  They of course can never debate using facts and logic, and they will never take responsibility of the state of their own marriages.  Why should they when they can just blame their husbands for everything, because they are special snowflakes.  This woman even called for white knights to silence the object of her vitriol.  These women use the Church™, twist bible scriptures, anti porn articles and the over abundance of Christian marriage books in an attempt to convince their husbands that even looking at another woman will send us men straight to hell, and if we do the woman are encouraged and justified for breaking up their families and walking away with cash (alimony and child support) and prizes (his children).

At no time will any of these woman look at themselves or their own behaviors.  They will not look to see if they are at least attractive, such as being overweight and wearing sweats all day.  They also refuse to consider that maybe their husbands need more stimulation and more excitement, such as maybe doing more than just missionary and giving more blowjobs when hubby comes home from work.  Nothing motivates me more to love her that when my lover drops to her knees right after I walk through the door.  As with my wife, she thought missionary was all that I would ever need, and that is precisely all that I received the majority of the time, with some “are you done yet” thrown in as extra motivation.  My wife would throw me a duty fuck once a week, but after a while I realized that masturbating to porn was much more satisfying than literally masturbating with a practically dead corpse.  At least I could pretend someone liked me.  Having an unresponsive lover is probably one of the worst things I have ever had to deal with long-term.

This brings up another thing.  When our wives are sexually unresponsive to us it damages our sense of self-worth and our self-esteem as men.  We begin to think, “is it me, am I that bad of a lover?” regardless of our sexual experiences in the past satisfying other woman.  I was so deeply damaged after years of my wife’s total lameness in bed that I spoke to an escort and she agreed to give me an honest grade on my performance.  I even asked her if we could schedule regular meetings.  I never went through with it, but for years I really though I sucked in bed.  It was soon after she left me I started fucking any woman who would sit still for an hour.  It did not take long to see that I was never the problem.  My enthusiasm having sex with these women was positively off the charts.  After more than 18 months and several lovers later, I can say that my skill and stamina has only improved.  Sex is something I again look forward to, as my lover actively seeks out sex with me as much as we can get together.  It was with her I was also able to get rid of most of the shame and guilt I felt for having my natural masculine desires, and enjoy being with a lover that enjoys sex as much as I do.  Ironically, my lover has no problem with porn and I no longer feel a need to look at it or masturbate.  She takes care of all of my sexual needs and then some.  Although I may take care of myself if we can’t get together for a week or more, she saves all of her sexual energy for me and I try to save all of mine for her.

These narrow and damaging views seem to be shared among almost all Christian women.  These women shame their husbands for being men and haven the sexual needs that normal men have.  My wife shamed me for wanting enthusiastic sex with her.  Exciting to me is still pretty vanilla I have realized.  I am thankful my current lover encourages me to express my sexuality to its fullest in a loving and safe manner with her.  I am still amazed and grateful at the same time for her and my other playmates.  From the comments I have read from women against porn in general they are judgmental, harpy and critical women.  I know what their husbands feel and these women attitudes just fuel our desires for more porn as a means to escape from our wives.  It is these women’s attitudes that create the very obsession with porn that they are complaining about and obviously threatened by.

The movie Fireproof has only encouraged this phenomena of Christian women doing everything they can to destroy their marriages and justifying their behavior afterwards.  Christian women seem to actually divorce their husbands even more than women in the secular world (50% secular vs. 60% Churched™ divorce rate), which I find astounding and deeply disturbing.  With such encouragement coming from the Church™ and other Pseudo Christian writers and movies, I am no longer surprised my wife took the same road when destroying our family for such frivolous reasons.  Here is one such Christian counselor that openly encourages women to divorce their husbands if their husbands refuse to follow the wife’s leadership.  This is one reason I tried for years attempting to convince and cajole my STBX wife to attend another Church™ with me.  Obviously my attempts failed miserably, but not for lack of trying.  It’s funny and sad at the same time that as I was attempting to lead my family pursuant to solid biblical doctrine, my wife, unbiblical mind you, assumed full leadership when she refused to leave her Church™  as I directed her to so we may as a family attend another Church™  that did not teach in such an unbiblical manner.  I guess since my STBX’s Church™ was started and headed by a female pastor, my wife was never around any truly Godly women who could have taught her true biblical submission, but immoral woman who encouraged her rebellious and evil actions.  Everything my wife believes in her faith contradicts what the bible actually states very clearly.  It is no wonder why she dismissed my biblical teachings I was sharing with her, she never believed the bible was inspired by God in the first place.

My STBX wife had always had a problem with porn.   For many years I did not understand why.  She is feminist after all, but I was never able to understand her aversion to porn and only recently began to understand her core issues.  Most of her issues were her insecurities about herself.   That became apparent when she would complain about porn.  Another issue which was prompted by her beliefs compelled her to see porn as objectifying women in general.  The last reason was her beep seated desire to control everything about me and my sexuality.  When taken together, a perfect storm was brewing in her mind.

I would be remiss if I did not mention my own issues with porn.  I used it as a release when I couldn’t be bothered with picking up woman in the past.  In combat it was also used as an escape of sorts.  When I first returned home from overseas I didn’t need it so much.  When my wife and I were dating she was reasonably enthusiastic about sex.  She was by far the best lover I had, but I was figuring that with what I saw she would improve as she became more comfortable with her own body.  After we married, I was proven to have been wrong.  Although sex with her was reasonably good, there was a definite lack of enthusiasm from her and she was unwilling to be adventurous about sex.  The comfort I was expecting for her to find never materialized.  Instead she seemed to become more sexually repressed.  Even to the point of refusing to wear bikini’s and opted for one piece bathing suits when we were living in Hawaii.  Come on, women are essentially naked on the beaches there, as they should be.  Anyways, porn became a bad habit for me, one that I needed to break, but I needed my wife’s help by her being more sexually available to me and actually enthusiastic about sex, which she very rarely was.  I personally don’t have a moral issue with porn, but for me and my sometimes obsessive personality, it was important for me to greatly limit my porn use, or even eliminate it entirely.  However for me to do that would have required daily doses of getting in my wife’s panties, which she was very opposed to.  Porn does have its uses, but as with my marriage, it was a symptom of bigger issues in the relationship.  I just never realized it at the time because of all the white noise coming from the Church™ and anti porn people and of course, my own wife.

In general, excessive porn use is bad.  I found when used daily, it does dull ones sense of desire for their mate.  This makes sense on many levels.  Men who masturbate frequently smell satisfied on a primal and pheromonal level.  This can have all sorts of negative effects, such as reducing your wife’s attraction to you on this same pheromonal level.  As with all vices, if abused, it will cause problems just like alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. However, I believe the excessive masturbation is more harmful than the porn used to facilitate the arousal for masturbation.  Of course I would be negligent if I did not state with certainty that if a husband needs porn and masturbation regularly, there are far deeper issues in the marriage than the porn or masturbation.  These issues need to be addressed first, before a man would be able or even willing to cease looking at porn and masturbating.  If the issues were positively dealt with his necessity for porn would likely be eliminated because he would be chasing his wife around trying to get in her panties, not watching some fake chick on his computer screen.  I have yet to meet a man who prefers pictures and videos to a real warm and wet woman who he is in love with, especially if she is still the wife of his youth.

I need to address adultery.  A man who looks at porn is not adultery.  You cannot twist scriptures to even make it sound close.  Any contextual and correct reading of scripture will support this.  Equating porn use, which could be a form of lust like looking at a nice rack on another woman, to adultery is only being used to justify Christian woman divorcing their husbands.  Secondly, as I alluded to I am not yet legally divorced.  There are several reasons why I have not filed yet, which I will write about in the future.  I have no idea why she hasn’t filed yet to be honest, but nothing she has done in the last 24 months makes sense to me anyways.  Also my STBX have never spoken about anything unless we are arguing over parenting time, read- telling me I can’t see my daughters, or she is demanding money from me and me laughing at her afterwards.  She and I never had any conversation that would indicate she wanted to stay married.  In fact she wanted me to do all the work to prepare for the divorce s she would not have to pay as much to an attorney.  The entitlement continues, even in the death of the marriage.

The day she walked out I was abandoned and we were spiritually divorced.  It was when she left, I was not only tempted to have sex, I physically needed to have sex with real women, and lots of them.  Having sex out of wedlock may be fornication, but with all the basterdization of Christianity and the fucked up Church™, the immoral family court system and our fucked up society in general encouraging women to be sluts I will never marry again, but I will have sex.  I just hope to keep my sexual relations in a loving monogamous relationship.  I don’t think God will bust my balls too much for that.  Either way I am no longer constrained by any of my previous beliefs or limitations which have been shown and proven to be fem-centric and serving only to women.  I still love my STBX wife, I can’t help it and I actually liked being married to her most of the time, but I am a realist and I know now our marriage was doomed from the start and is now dead.

Stay tuned for a future article analyzing how my STBX’s wife’s Church™  was pivotal in the failure of my marriage and how Christianity and the Church™ in general is bad for men, families, women and our society in general.

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