By: MonkeyWerks

This is my first real post on here.  I would have liked to written about something else, but I came across this article that spurned a lot of emotion in me because this was the key excuse my wife used to justify her divorcing me.  The comments are far more illuminating than the article actually.  It shows just how the Christian women think of sex, their husbands and sexuality in general. It will also show you how secular woman think about sex and their husbands.  The Christian men all seem like weak beta’s that are controlled by their wives.  Just going by these comments I would never marry a Christian woman, and if my new wife joined a Church™ I would swiftly have to divorce her because her indoctrination into feminism and all other man hating beliefs would be all but assured.  I told my STBX wife many times that she was way more fun to be around before she found Church™.

This article and many others like it encourage the entitlement and judgmental attitude and are nothing but divorce porn for geared primarily for Christian women.  So as you read the comments to this article you will see several common themes emerge.  These comments show several important things in the way Christian, SoCon and TradCon women think.  These women are just pro-life feminists anyways.

The first is that these anti porn women seem to agree that a man does not need sex.  He may want it, but it is not a need for any man, and men should be severely admonished if they don’t have the self-control to be involuntarily celibate, and they act to relive themselves.  They also agree that a wife is not obligated to have sex or give up sexual intimacy to their husbands at any time.  Sex is only permitted if the wife desires it.  I guess they do not understand what the bible says about sex in marriages and the necessity of having sex often, because at the end of the day, humans are sexual beings and we generally lack the self-control to be celibate long-term.  One man even likened what the bible stated about the necessity of sex in marriage to a man raping his wife.

Another reason these women hate porn is power, power over their husbands sexuality.  It is when woman are allowed to have this power over a man who these same women abuse it by not satisfying the sexual needs of their husbands.  It also sets the marriage in a frame that will minimize the husband’s authority over the family.  Such as anal sex is a sure-fire way to assert dominance over your wife in a way she will also enjoy, if she would just relax, a man must exercise authority over his wife and family and keep this frame at all times.  And yes, most women I have spoken to actually enjoy some butt cocking.

Women want to control men and they do that by attempting to control our sexuality, either by withholding or granting sexual intimacy when sex can be used to the woman’s advantage.  It has nothing to do with a woman actually enjoying sex with their mates or using the act of sexual intimacy as a bonding mechanism in order to strengthen the relationship, it is about the control the woman seeks over the man through his sexual desires.  The stronger a man’s sexual desires are for the woman or the more limited the man’s options, the stronger the woman’s control is over the man, such as wife and her husband.  This is truly the scariest thing about marriage for a man, or it should be.  A domineering wife will destroy their husband in short order, and most men will just let their own destruction happen and wonder why afterwards.  There is a minority of women who realize they have this power, yet they use it constructively, responsibly and to the benefit of the entire family and to the other spouses benefit, which in turns benefits the woman with a more loving, loyal and attentive husband.  Now what wife wouldn’t want a more loving husband?  It’s a shame more woman cannot get out of their own way when it comes to their marriages.  I guess with the messages fed to women on a daily basis, it is no surprise they are so deluded.

Two of the tools theses woman to gain this power is shame and guilt.  Many of these women, who just like my wife, would call men who look at porn perverts, accuse of possibly being child molesters and make many other unfounded and illogical accusations.  They of course can never debate using facts and logic, and they will never take responsibility of the state of their own marriages.  Why should they when they can just blame their husbands for everything, because they are special snowflakes.  This woman even called for white knights to silence the object of her vitriol.  These women use the Church™, twist bible scriptures, anti porn articles and the over abundance of Christian marriage books in an attempt to convince their husbands that even looking at another woman will send us men straight to hell, and if we do the woman are encouraged and justified for breaking up their families and walking away with cash (alimony and child support) and prizes (his children).

At no time will any of these woman look at themselves or their own behaviors.  They will not look to see if they are at least attractive, such as being overweight and wearing sweats all day.  They also refuse to consider that maybe their husbands need more stimulation and more excitement, such as maybe doing more than just missionary and giving more blowjobs when hubby comes home from work.  Nothing motivates me more to love her that when my lover drops to her knees right after I walk through the door.  As with my wife, she thought missionary was all that I would ever need, and that is precisely all that I received the majority of the time, with some “are you done yet” thrown in as extra motivation.  My wife would throw me a duty fuck once a week, but after a while I realized that masturbating to porn was much more satisfying than literally masturbating with a practically dead corpse.  At least I could pretend someone liked me.  Having an unresponsive lover is probably one of the worst things I have ever had to deal with long-term.

This brings up another thing.  When our wives are sexually unresponsive to us it damages our sense of self-worth and our self-esteem as men.  We begin to think, “is it me, am I that bad of a lover?” regardless of our sexual experiences in the past satisfying other woman.  I was so deeply damaged after years of my wife’s total lameness in bed that I spoke to an escort and she agreed to give me an honest grade on my performance.  I even asked her if we could schedule regular meetings.  I never went through with it, but for years I really though I sucked in bed.  It was soon after she left me I started fucking any woman who would sit still for an hour.  It did not take long to see that I was never the problem.  My enthusiasm having sex with these women was positively off the charts.  After more than 18 months and several lovers later, I can say that my skill and stamina has only improved.  Sex is something I again look forward to, as my lover actively seeks out sex with me as much as we can get together.  It was with her I was also able to get rid of most of the shame and guilt I felt for having my natural masculine desires, and enjoy being with a lover that enjoys sex as much as I do.  Ironically, my lover has no problem with porn and I no longer feel a need to look at it or masturbate.  She takes care of all of my sexual needs and then some.  Although I may take care of myself if we can’t get together for a week or more, she saves all of her sexual energy for me and I try to save all of mine for her.

These narrow and damaging views seem to be shared among almost all Christian women.  These women shame their husbands for being men and haven the sexual needs that normal men have.  My wife shamed me for wanting enthusiastic sex with her.  Exciting to me is still pretty vanilla I have realized.  I am thankful my current lover encourages me to express my sexuality to its fullest in a loving and safe manner with her.  I am still amazed and grateful at the same time for her and my other playmates.  From the comments I have read from women against porn in general they are judgmental, harpy and critical women.  I know what their husbands feel and these women attitudes just fuel our desires for more porn as a means to escape from our wives.  It is these women’s attitudes that create the very obsession with porn that they are complaining about and obviously threatened by.

The movie Fireproof has only encouraged this phenomena of Christian women doing everything they can to destroy their marriages and justifying their behavior afterwards.  Christian women seem to actually divorce their husbands even more than women in the secular world (50% secular vs. 60% Churched™ divorce rate), which I find astounding and deeply disturbing.  With such encouragement coming from the Church™ and other Pseudo Christian writers and movies, I am no longer surprised my wife took the same road when destroying our family for such frivolous reasons.  Here is one such Christian counselor that openly encourages women to divorce their husbands if their husbands refuse to follow the wife’s leadership.  This is one reason I tried for years attempting to convince and cajole my STBX wife to attend another Church™ with me.  Obviously my attempts failed miserably, but not for lack of trying.  It’s funny and sad at the same time that as I was attempting to lead my family pursuant to solid biblical doctrine, my wife, unbiblical mind you, assumed full leadership when she refused to leave her Church™  as I directed her to so we may as a family attend another Church™  that did not teach in such an unbiblical manner.  I guess since my STBX’s Church™ was started and headed by a female pastor, my wife was never around any truly Godly women who could have taught her true biblical submission, but immoral woman who encouraged her rebellious and evil actions.  Everything my wife believes in her faith contradicts what the bible actually states very clearly.  It is no wonder why she dismissed my biblical teachings I was sharing with her, she never believed the bible was inspired by God in the first place.

My STBX wife had always had a problem with porn.   For many years I did not understand why.  She is feminist after all, but I was never able to understand her aversion to porn and only recently began to understand her core issues.  Most of her issues were her insecurities about herself.   That became apparent when she would complain about porn.  Another issue which was prompted by her beliefs compelled her to see porn as objectifying women in general.  The last reason was her beep seated desire to control everything about me and my sexuality.  When taken together, a perfect storm was brewing in her mind.

I would be remiss if I did not mention my own issues with porn.  I used it as a release when I couldn’t be bothered with picking up woman in the past.  In combat it was also used as an escape of sorts.  When I first returned home from overseas I didn’t need it so much.  When my wife and I were dating she was reasonably enthusiastic about sex.  She was by far the best lover I had, but I was figuring that with what I saw she would improve as she became more comfortable with her own body.  After we married, I was proven to have been wrong.  Although sex with her was reasonably good, there was a definite lack of enthusiasm from her and she was unwilling to be adventurous about sex.  The comfort I was expecting for her to find never materialized.  Instead she seemed to become more sexually repressed.  Even to the point of refusing to wear bikini’s and opted for one piece bathing suits when we were living in Hawaii.  Come on, women are essentially naked on the beaches there, as they should be.  Anyways, porn became a bad habit for me, one that I needed to break, but I needed my wife’s help by her being more sexually available to me and actually enthusiastic about sex, which she very rarely was.  I personally don’t have a moral issue with porn, but for me and my sometimes obsessive personality, it was important for me to greatly limit my porn use, or even eliminate it entirely.  However for me to do that would have required daily doses of getting in my wife’s panties, which she was very opposed to.  Porn does have its uses, but as with my marriage, it was a symptom of bigger issues in the relationship.  I just never realized it at the time because of all the white noise coming from the Church™ and anti porn people and of course, my own wife.

In general, excessive porn use is bad.  I found when used daily, it does dull ones sense of desire for their mate.  This makes sense on many levels.  Men who masturbate frequently smell satisfied on a primal and pheromonal level.  This can have all sorts of negative effects, such as reducing your wife’s attraction to you on this same pheromonal level.  As with all vices, if abused, it will cause problems just like alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. However, I believe the excessive masturbation is more harmful than the porn used to facilitate the arousal for masturbation.  Of course I would be negligent if I did not state with certainty that if a husband needs porn and masturbation regularly, there are far deeper issues in the marriage than the porn or masturbation.  These issues need to be addressed first, before a man would be able or even willing to cease looking at porn and masturbating.  If the issues were positively dealt with his necessity for porn would likely be eliminated because he would be chasing his wife around trying to get in her panties, not watching some fake chick on his computer screen.  I have yet to meet a man who prefers pictures and videos to a real warm and wet woman who he is in love with, especially if she is still the wife of his youth.

I need to address adultery.  A man who looks at porn is not adultery.  You cannot twist scriptures to even make it sound close.  Any contextual and correct reading of scripture will support this.  Equating porn use, which could be a form of lust like looking at a nice rack on another woman, to adultery is only being used to justify Christian woman divorcing their husbands.  Secondly, as I alluded to I am not yet legally divorced.  There are several reasons why I have not filed yet, which I will write about in the future.  I have no idea why she hasn’t filed yet to be honest, but nothing she has done in the last 24 months makes sense to me anyways.  Also my STBX have never spoken about anything unless we are arguing over parenting time, read- telling me I can’t see my daughters, or she is demanding money from me and me laughing at her afterwards.  She and I never had any conversation that would indicate she wanted to stay married.  In fact she wanted me to do all the work to prepare for the divorce s she would not have to pay as much to an attorney.  The entitlement continues, even in the death of the marriage.

The day she walked out I was abandoned and we were spiritually divorced.  It was when she left, I was not only tempted to have sex, I physically needed to have sex with real women, and lots of them.  Having sex out of wedlock may be fornication, but with all the basterdization of Christianity and the fucked up Church™, the immoral family court system and our fucked up society in general encouraging women to be sluts I will never marry again, but I will have sex.  I just hope to keep my sexual relations in a loving monogamous relationship.  I don’t think God will bust my balls too much for that.  Either way I am no longer constrained by any of my previous beliefs or limitations which have been shown and proven to be fem-centric and serving only to women.  I still love my STBX wife, I can’t help it and I actually liked being married to her most of the time, but I am a realist and I know now our marriage was doomed from the start and is now dead.

Stay tuned for a future article analyzing how my STBX’s wife’s Church™  was pivotal in the failure of my marriage and how Christianity and the Church™ in general is bad for men, families, women and our society in general.

Comments
  1. Hey, I’ll have to check out your blog later today, it looks interesting! Thank you for re-blogging my post ❤

    • monkeywerks says:

      Your article seemed to fit the theme in my essay. Porn is usually made into adultery by Christian woman. Although I do not agree with that interpretation of scripture, I found that when a mans needs are not being met at home he is likely to look elsewhere. Porn will usually give him his release, but having a mistress is also likely. Your article made good points on what men need from their wives, and how their wives fail to meet those needs. You are welcome to comment further and thanks for reading.

      • I finally got to read your whole essay – I agree with so much of what you said! I’m so sorry you went through such a horrible ordeal. I’m a Christian (and full-disclosure: I’m not pro-porn), and I’ve seen many Christian women that feel the way you described – it’s so sad to me. One of my purposes in my blog is to educate women and men on things like this – on how to actually have and create a good marriage – and sex is a huge part of it. It’s sad that our culture seems to think it’s fine for women to believe their men have absolutely no needs… and that the focus should only be on the wife! I love your blog, and I love what you are doing with life, and the fact that you are healing. I’m sure your words will comfort and instruct many.

      • monkeywerks says:

        Thank you. Your words do mean alot to me. I heard a Baptist preacher once say “Wives, if you don’t turn your husbands head, another woman will”. Your article highlighted that entire sermon. I wish Christian woman were more like you than like my ex. Its unfortunate that the women I found to be the best mates are in fact Non-Christian. I hope that articles like yours touch women and men and my essays touch men and women so that we, like many other writers, can change the social conventions that hurt marriages and our society in general. Sex in marriage is one such issue.

        I do want to add that I was totally in love with my wife. It is just she refused to live by the very doctrine she was trying to get me to adhere to. i would never have left her, except only if another man touched her. It is sad that she threw that away because she couldn’t control me and I refused to submit to her.

  2. aaronthejust says:

    The only people who understand pornography correctly are the “NoFap” people. Essentially, pornography and masturbation are bad if they become addictions, much like bonbons, cigars, or driving fast cars.

    Ultimately, the fault for pornography existing lies with the women who create it. (And no nonsense about women being forced into it: nearly all pornography is consensual, which is quite disturbing when one considers Max Hardcore.)

    One of the blessings of the gospel is Jesus’ and Paul’s explanation that all sins are equal: in essence, gluttony and effeminacy are as bad as murder which is bad as letting one’s mind drift into lustful territory upon seeing a beautiful woman married to another man whilst in Starbucks. (Jesus called this committing adultery in one’s own heart; the Red Pillers call it “placing p____ on a pedestal” or “being a p____ beggar”.)

    You’ve got a ways to go to the Promised Land, but you’re on the right path.

    • monkeywerks says:

      As for porn Max Hardcore is quite disturbing to me, even though it is totally consensual. I do find it amazing the anti porn people don’t realize that most porn is put up by the woman themselves, yet they keep on about exploitation and crap.

      If you talk to my ex wife she will plainly and seriously state that the sins she does not like are somehow way more serious, lol. And she goes to Chruch yet she does not have a grasp of this very basic biblical principal.

  3. Jenny says:

    I don’t understand how you square your Christian beliefs with sleeping with multiple women outside marriage. Certainly Christian teaching requires women to submit to their husbands, but it also requires both sexes to refrain from fornication. Do you consider it a mistake to have slept with women other than your wife, before you married her? Do you think it’s sinful now to have a lover to whom you are not married? I guess I can’t tell if you’re a Christian or not from your post. You want a wife who abides by Biblical principles but you don’t seem that keen on abiding by them yourself. The question is whether you think Christianity is a useful social system, which requires women and men to behave in certain ways, or whether you believe that your life has been bought by the blood of Christ and that every sin re-crucifies him. If it’s the second, I’m not sure why you think that your wife’s sins justify yours. If the first, I don’t understand why you think your arguments matter – they all rest on the authority of the Bible and the Bible only matters because of Christ. If you don’t believe in Him, why do you care about the Bible?

    • monkeywerks says:

      Jenny,
      I am of the belief that most of our traditional societal norms were influenced by Judeo-Christian values, and it was good for a time. Gods 10 commandments for instance have been codified in statute as were also the divorce laws prior to no-fault divorce and the sexual revolution. As we as a society changed our values to contradict Gods laws so did our statutory laws such as no fault divorce.

      Your argument is circular, using straw men to point away from my ex wife’s action to focus solely on mine. My actions were reactionary and are thus justified. Read about Sampson if you want. You cannot condemn me for anything without FIRST condemning my ex wife for her actions which are far more grievous than me playing with random woman after she left. But I understand that very few women will condemn another woman on her decision to nuke her family, because by doing so would shine an unfavorable light on similar sins you or other women you have known have committed.
      Furthermore, as you seem to want to condemn me for my sexual activity outside of marriage, you make no remarks about how women (specifically like my ex wife) are twisting scripture to justify their frivolous divorcing of GOOD God fearing men and how they attempt to control men through deprivation of sexual intimacy. What do you think is more damaging to the church, families and society as a whole, women divorcing men for no other reason than her desire to control him or her desire to “marry up”, or a man taking care of his sexual needs on his own as a result of his wife refusing to have sex with him or abandoning him as in my case? This question brings to mind another. Do you think that a wife is sinning by refusing to have sex with her husband, which by doing so causes him to sin?

      1 Corinthians 7:8-9
      English Standard Version (ESV)
      8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

      1 Corinthians 7:2
      English Standard Version (ESV)
      2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

      1 Corinthians 7:1-5
      English Standard Version (ESV)
      Principles for Marriage
      7 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

      In the end I need not justify my faith to anyone but Christ. The issue is that most women refuse to act like Christians as they are proud to proclaim that they are. Female virginity is at such low rates that it is almost like finding a unicorn. In fact many young women I meet have partner counts that are truly astonishing, and they are professing Christians. Divorce rates in the church are higher than the secular world and there is little to no talk on wifely submission to her husband in church because too many women would balk and fire the preacher. Furthermore I have yet to enter a church that speaks of divorce as seriously as the bible does. This is the root of the problems we face, not husbands wanking to porn or having sex outside of marriage (before or after), which both issues are symptoms of their wives disobedience, sin, selfishness and general unpleasantness. Christian men are faced with little to no options for finding good biblical wives. In my experience Christian woman are generally worse as wife material than secular or non religious woman, so much so that the few virgin females I have met are usually not Christian at all. So why should men suppress our sexual desires when all we see are Christian woman running around like feral animals?

      I will add that nowhere in the bible are men commanded to be sexually pure before marriage, but the bible makes it clear throughout that woman must be virgins. A man’s sexual experience before marriage has little to no affect on his ability to commit or remain faithful to his wife, yet a woman sexual experience has definite negative repercussions in her ability to remain faithful and content in her marriage for life. See link below. As a now divorced man I will never remarry, so does that mean I am to become celibate? I think not.

      Christianity as a beneficial social construct has completely lost its credibility due to woman like my ex wife and I suspect you who thinks its ok for woman to divorce and who refuse to submit to their husbands. Although I strive to live my life by many biblical dictates, my flesh does indeed need sex. I gave my ex wife my best and for no other reason than to satisfy her rebellious and selfish desires she broke up our family. Taking care of a human need is not sin. My wife destroying innocent lives, like my daughters, is very much sin.

      As for biblical principals I know of several non religious couples who follow the bibles principals on marriage and wifely submission. It seems the professing Christian women have a big problem with what the bible states clearly about marriage and the roles of husbands and wives.
      When Christian woman start acting according to biblical directives, you as a woman will see good men such as me desiring to commit to and be faithful to women once again. The bible works only if it is followed by all parties. When only one party follows its rules all that happens is the rule following individual leads a very repressed and sad life.

      https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2012/04/28/are-young-marriages-doomed-to-divorce/
      http://societyofphineas.wordpress.com/2013/12/11/so-you-want-me-to-man-up-and-marry-that-slut/
      http://societyofphineas.wordpress.com/2012/08/06/single-christian-men-just-arent-buying-what-is-sold/

      • Jenny says:

        Thanks, that answers the question; you think the 2000 year tradition of Christianity on fornication is wrong, but that the 2000 year tradition on male headship in marriage and the sinfulness of refusing sex to one’s spouse is right. I think both traditions are right, but then I believe in the whole tradition of the Church as the gift of the Holy Spirit: on sexual ethics, that means no divorce, no fornication, no denial of one’s spouse within marriage, and no masturbation.

        If you think your soul isn’t endangered by sex outside marriage and by masturbation, that’s one thing. (I would point out that Orthodox and Catholic tradition are squarely against you on that belief but certainly some Protestants would disagree.) But you also suggest that whether your sins matter is a kind of relative question, depending on whether you sin more or less or worse than your wife – you seem to be saying that if you sinned more than her, that would be bad, but if your sins are less terrible than hers, then they don’t matter. That’s crazy. Sin is a thing that corrupts and destroys your relationship with God, and the only thing that ought to matter to you is where you stand with God and whether you are reconciled to Him or not. It’s got nothing to do with whether your wife is even further removed from God than you are – if your wife were a murderer, that wouldn’t make it reasonable for you to become a thief.

        It’s different if you think fornication is no sin, as I’ve said; then you would be saying that you are completely reconciled to God and sincerely believe that, in your sexual life, you are doing His will and living the kind of life He made you to live. If you think that, well, I think your view is inconsistent with the traditions of Christianity – all the saints disagree with you – but it’s arguable, at least. But in at least some of your reply, you seem to say that you agree with St Augustine that fornication is a sin but that it’s one that doesn’t matter all that much, because it doesn’t hurt society. I think that second belief is really dangerous to you as a Christian because it shows a completely inverted scheme of values – ‘society’ doesn’t matter more than God and any sin of any kind can separate you from God.

      • monkeywerks says:

        No I think 95% of women’s current attitudes about sex, marriage, divorce, and families are wrong and far more damaging then men having sex out of wedlock. I think that pretty much ever churches blatant refusal to teach the WHOLE counsel of God is wrong. Men like me taking care of their own needs as we see fit is not wrong, its survival. At the end of the day, men need to worry about men and not what women think at all. Many if not most modern woman have no inkling how to be good wives, and Christian woman are some of the worst. When they start to act right things may change, until then more and more men will refuse to participate in the fem-centric church and will refuse to participate in marriage and making babies in general.

        In your first paragraph you state that you believe in the whole counsel of God. So you believe in woman not even being biblically permitted to divorce at all, men cannot divorce for reason except real physical adultery or abandonment, and marring a divorced woman is considered adultery, as with remarriage for the divorce filer who divorces for unbiblical reasons. How about women being virgins? As I mentioned before men being virgins is unimportant. How about your comments, should your husband not be the one offering me spiritual guidance? I can give the bible reference for that also. Hint: Paul wrote that letter to the Timothy. Your job as an older Christian woman is to be teaching these lessons to the young women in church, not worrying about me, but I understand that my words are threatening to Christian woman, and why.

        Young Christian women need to learn submission in all things to their husbands; they need to learn domestic skills and they need to learn to not be sluts. If they do that the whole issue of men having sex out of wedlock will go away. That is what you should be concerned about.
        I don’t think God is too concerned with my little bit of nookie when compared to the various cancers such as divorce, domineering women leading their husbands, women preachers, men being told to marry sluts (reformed virgins), etc. running through the organizations that bear His name called churches. I do believe that there are certain levels of sins. Your attempt to make my actions seem somehow more sinful is disingenuous at best. All you are doing is attempting to shame me, which will not work. You have yet to speak harshly about the modern Christian women’s flagrant disregard to anything biblical. This shows much.

        Moreover, nowhere in the bible is masturbation considered sin. You are adding to God’s word on that one.

        It seems you are just trying to shame me and not learn, so I expect you did not review the links I provided before. Just in case you are actually wanting to learn something, visit the following link and see what the common theme is among women of faith.

        http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2011/11/08/warn-men-beware-christian-marriage-doublespeak-and-hair-trigger-for-wife-initiated-divorce/

        EDIT: Although it took me a couple of years after marriage to stabilize my desires, once that happened I was faithful to my wife in both mind and spirit. The sex I had was in marriage and I was (although not necessarily content because the ex was lame) but I was at least resigned to being monogamous with my wife. When she left, and as the bible states would happen, her abandonment led me to commit sexual immorality. You simply don’t take a starving lion and put a bunch of gazelles in front of him and expect him not to try to eat one. That the situation she directly caused to happen. Your statements about how I essentially lacked self control in such a situation is absurd.

      • Jenny says:

        I haven’t personally added anything to God’s word; as I said, my position is that I accept the whole tradition of Christian sexual teaching, which includes the belief that masturbation is sinful:

        http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm
        If you are a Protestant, of course, you probably don’t think the above source has authority but I’m just pointing out that my claims about sexuality are not my own invention – the Orthodox and the Catholics have been agreed on them since the beginning, and I assume that, as a Catholic, Dalrock also holds the position that the teaching of sacred tradition on any question can’t just be discarded. I’m sure that men are placed under terrible temptation at the moment, because of the impact of feminism on the whole field of sexual relations – which means marriage isn’t secure and joyful as it was intended to be – but it doesn’t follow that there’s no sin involved in giving into temptation.

        I’ve already said that I don’t believe in divorce for any reason. Physical separation is permissible on the grounds of grave sins against the marriage, ie adultery and physical violence, but I don’t think they justify splitting up a sacramental marriage. As to virginity, there are 2 issues there. One is the human tradition that, in the interests of preserving paternity, women ought to be virgins until they marry. I think there’s a lot of common sense in that, yes. But the Christian teaching was a shock to Romans and other pagans precisely because it made the same demand of men and insisted that fornication was sinful for men as well as women and that men, like women, had a total duty of faithfulness to their spouse. I’m not sure why you think that this idea is a late invention of feminists – read any of the Church fathers you like on this question, or read the biography of St Augustine, and you’ll find that all of them proclaim that fornication is a sin for both man and woman. So yes, I think women ought to preserve their virginity until marriage and so should men (though calling men ‘virgins’ does some violence to the language – it’s clearer to say that both sexes should be chaste all their lives and that means celibacy before marriage and faithfulness after.)

        I know you object to being lectured by a woman, but as I’ve said, I’m not offering you a personal opinion, I’m pointing out that you can’t claim to speak for Christian tradition when you would like to discard such a significant slice of it. (I can’t tell how much of it you would like to discard: what other sins are ok if the people committing them are men who’ve had a hard time and been subjected to terrible temptation? Do you think male homosexual acts are fine with God, because the poor guys are only fulfilling what feels like a need?) I’m not married, I’m afraid, so I can’t pass the conversation on to my hypothetical husband. But I’m not telling you, personally, what to do or how to live. I’m picking up on the fact that you keep citing Christian sources, and noting that your position on sexuality is actually not orthodox from a Christian perspective. It may be available to you, among the drift of Protestant opinions, I can’t keep track on modern Protestant views on sexuality and perhaps there is some tradition of Christian thought behind your approach. Although, so far as I’m aware, Luther and Calvin never condoned fornication for men and not for women, incidentally – which is logical when the end point of such a teaching would have to be either homosexuality for the men, if the women were all supposed to be chaste, or the invention of a prostitute class of women to whom the demand for chastity didn’t apply. That’s what Roman sexual ethics looked like before Christianity, yes, but Christianity destroyed all that when it came.

      • monkeywerks says:

        I will say that I like the Catholic Churches position on divorce and abortion. I am staunchly pro life. As for masturbation I see the point you are making. I actually agree that in a marriage that both partners should orgasm together as much as possible. This helps not only build the bio-chemical bond between them but maintains it once its there. God designed our bodies to work this way and science explains it very well. I would even go further to explain than husbands should ejaculate in their wives and by doing so further strengthens this biological bond and reduces the risks for divorce and even disagreements. I am currently writing an essay about this because my wife and I practiced the pull out method and I noticed a marked change in her when we started doing this. With my current lover we don’t do this and the difference is remarkable. Anyways after TMI, this theory is consistent with the CC stance, but instead of explaining the science behind this phenomena the CC refuses to explain to a large number of men and woman why something is good. Just because some old guy says it does not make it so.

        http://marriedmansexlife.com/2013/06/explaining-the-in-her-or-on-her-rule/

        As for premarital sex, yes its great if both partners are virgins. The reasons are obvious, or should be, and you and I agree. But since virgin woman of marriageable age are like unicorns, us men have to look at plan B. So when we decide to seek out a wife we try to find one with the lowest N possible that can bear our children and who we can live with for the rest of our lives. What happens is that many of these women become unpleasant and use sex as a weapon to control their husbands. This is far too common with churched woman and much more so than unchurced women I am afraid. This is one observation that compels me to disregard everything I learned in church.

        Even now I would rather have my ex wife. She is still the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I thought for quite some time that somehow we could have reconciled and that she would realize that my needs mattered as much as hers. However that was not the case and her church was a huge factor in her thinking, especially when combined with her previous feminist beliefs. It was a perfect storm I never had the ability to fight against. I would prefer to have the wife of my youth satisfy my desires and she could if she just followed Gods instructions. Instead she married her church (not Christ which concept is still unbiblical in its modern application), and by doing so she allowed herself to be led by the men in her church rather than her husband. I will explain in a further essay how exactly her church did this and its damaging effects on our marriage. See the quote below. Most churches teach the first mindset where the 2nd mindset would be correct and healthy for the marrige.

        So rather than frame the question as “why does he want other women / why am I not good enough?”, why not see it as “he has a high sexual drive / he’s expressing he needs help with it”.
        http://marriedmansexlife.com/2010/11/why-is-my-husband-attracted-to-other-women/

        So now that leads to plan C. Celibacy is not an option for me. So what does a man do? He takes care of his business. As women become less and less qualified to be wives men are left with the only option, having sex with various woman out of wedlock. I realize its not Gods way, but I refuse to marry a slut or what I see as the typical church going woman who either has a large N of partners or simply looks like a fat horse. I have yet to see a very attractive well trained (by her parents) Christian virgin. The hot ones were mostly sluts or had too high N of partners and the actual virgins were butt ass ugly.
        As for divorce that is the main issue. I was faithful to my wife, and for the most part happy to be so even though she sucked in bed, which I believe could have been rectified had she not been a modern Christian. My wife leaving set me on a course of events that can be likened to a starving lion being in the middle of a herd of tasty fat gazelles. If I was not so deprived my reactions may have been different. Essentially her actions caused me to have sex with various women because had she not left I would never had done that. That situation is mentioned by Paul and others several times in the bible, because God knows how strong our sexual urges are. I was willing to keep mine in my marrige.

        I was pointing out the advice issue to make a point, that’s all. If you’re a regular Dalrock reader then many of those points may not pertain to you. I would love to emulate Dalrock and Rollo Tomassi, who both have good stable marriages that they have been in for a long time. That’s a goal of this transformation I am doing within myself although I have zero expectations of either reconciling with the wife of my youth or finding another qualified woman to marry in the future.
        As I have mentioned I am reevaluating my core beliefs and the beliefs pertaining to sex have caused me to feel shame where I should never have felt shame. Some of the shame I felt was however justified, I will add, and I have repented of those sins. I refuse to feel shame for my natural masculine desires and my satisfying of those desires. It has always been easy for me to charm the panties off of any woman I wanted, but even still I prefer a monogamous loving relationship to being a player again. Is that not Gods plan. If I stayed with my GF until our death that is a marriage before God. The bible never states that priests or pastors much perform any ceremonies for a marriage to be valid.

        I agree with your stance on fornication, virgins and sex in marriage. I agree that these traditions make sense and are biblical, and yes male homosexuality is an abomination. Its is not the beliefs that are bad per se, but how the feminists in the church apply those beliefs to the detriment of men and hoe these woman use these beliefs to control men through sex.

        http://marriedmansexlife.com/2010/08/when-do-you-divorce-her/

      • Jenny says:

        It sounds like you have been through something terribly painful in your marriage. I’ll pray for you. But I don’t understand what you mean when you say you now disregard everything you learned in church. Clearly you still believe in a God who made us and ordained our sexual relationships and all our other relationships, so you must still accept that part of the Christian tradition. What I can’t tell from your posts is how much of the rest of the Creed of the church you accept – whether you think Jesus Christ was God incarnate who died on the cross to redeem us from sin, that is.

        If you believe that, then the fact that celibacy is difficult and painful and costs you something shouldn’t be inconsistent with the idea that celibacy might be what God requires of you at this time (ie with your wife still living and unreconciled to you). God says take up your cross and follow Me; He promises persecutions and suffering in the world for His followers; St Peter was killed, St Paul was killed, St Stephen was killed, Maximilian Kolbe was killed, Gertrude Stein was killed. Christians have always been called to suffer, in one sense or the other, in order to be faithful to God: of course, very few are called to martyrdom but all are called to be willing to accept whatever suffering happens to be on offer in exchange for fidelity to God. For most of us nowadays, in the West, that only means emotional suffering in killing off the demands of the old self and trying to love God and neighbour, and resisting some purely social pressures (no more gladiators or lions, just a bit of contempt and being called a bigot). But it’s not a Christian position to think suffering is unfair and exceptional and that the normal Christian life should be possible without it. While you’re in the world, suffering specifically in order to obey God is a good spiritual sign, it means you really are obedient.

        So if you believe in that God, I can’t see why you would you expect obedience to Him to be easy or comfortable or even bearable? Celibacy is difficult, obviously, and it may be someone else’s fault that you are subject to strong temptations against it. But the Christian life is supposed to be difficult, it’s supposed to be a crucifixion of your old self. It can become easy in some unexplainable way if you entrust the difficulties to Christ – He carries all our crosses, that’s why it makes sense for Him to say both that we must take up our crosses and that His burden is easy and His yoke light – but that certainly doesn’t mean that you assume anything that seems horribly difficult is against His will for that reason.

        But I can’t tell from your posts whether you believe in Christ in this sense or not. In a way, you seem almost to be believing in an eighteenth century deist’s God – a reasonable, polite God whose aim is to set up a universe in which we can enjoy ourselves in a peaceful and orderly way without too much effort – and I can’t see that God anywhere in the Bible. If you believe in the God of the Bible, and you also believe (as you seem to) that a perfect human life requires chastity, how can you say you don’t really need to bother striving to be perfect, it’s too difficult and God is too reasonable to expect it? If He didn’t intend us to become spotlessly perfect in the end, what was the point of all that dying?

      • monkeywerks says:

        Jenny,
        I have not been burned any worse than most men who had to, or is going through the divorce grinder. It sucks, but i will heal from this and become much better on the other side. This blog is part of that healing.

        I do believe in God. I believe Christ was God in the flesh and I believe he died for the redemption for our sins. I also believe in his directives about how we should conduct ourselves in general and in marriage. I just don’t see being a man who is celibate as being one of those ways. I understand we disagree on this. I also see chaste behavior as different that celibate behavior. I gave marriage a chance and it obviously did not work out, so I am going to remain unmarried for now on. This does not mean I will remain celibate.

        As for my wife leaving me, once she left the marriage was over. I see it as an unbeliever leaving, so I let her go and I was no longer bound to her in any way. I say unbeliever because her doctrine is only similar to Christianity but it is not true Christianity in any sense. She believes in the Word of Faith or Prosperity Gospel, which you can look up if you are unfamiliar with that doctrine.

        What I reject from the church is all feminist and fem-centric teachings that go against Gods word. This is the teachings I have seen in most churches in almost every sermon preached in one form or another, and in how they handle issues regarding gender dynamics, marriage and even sex. The denominations are irrelevant. That is why I am rejecting ALL teachings from ALL churches, until I reevaluate things on my own. I know how to read and comprehend the bible, which from what I have seen in the past is rare among many professing Christians.

        As Gods providence will have it, tonight I find myself single again, which I was not too surprised at. But I also find myself relieved in many ways too. I have thought much about reconciling with my ex wife, but unless she completely changes her feminist beliefs and voluntarily attends another church there will never be any reconciliation. As with most women hypergamy does not care.

  4. MK says:

    How long have you been married? Perhaps she is waiting it out hoping no one pulls the button until something like lifetime alimony comes into play. I’d press the issue don’t leave yourself in limbo.

    If she doesn’t want a lawyer all the better find a fair mediator and limit your damage.

    • monkeywerks says:

      Because of my business challenges there is nothing for her to take. If she gets screwy and attempts to go for my throat Thailand is a wonderful place for expats. I agree though, I have been hoping to mediate our divorce to lessen the future financial impact. Oh 10 years.

  5. […] How Porn and my Wife Ruined my Marriage (thereinventionofman.wordpress.com) […]

  6. […] How Porn and my Wife Ruined my Marriage (thereinventionofman.wordpress.com) […]

  7. Spyhopper says:

    That homosexual men (who often have hundreds of sex partners in their lifetime) use pornography to greater degree than heterosexual men disproves the idea that p0rn is something only sex-starved men do. It’s also an observable phenomenon that homosexual men get more sex from their partners but practice less fidelity. Men really do have an endemic temptation towards partner variety.

    • monkeywerks says:

      Men do like variety, but most men I know are willing to suffer monogamy, even to their detriment or at the expense of their long term happiness. Furthermore, when many men do finally experience their wives filing for divorce many men will feel a strong regret at not taking advantage of the various opportunities that came their way during their marriages.

      As for porn, I don’t have any moral problem with it and in a sexless marriage, fap away, however I believe that single men should be out trying to meet new women instead of looking at porn. This is a general statement.

  8. […] should be obvious by now that feminist and trad-cons share many harmful ideologies in regards to male sexuality, male shaming, porn and […]

  9. Red says:

    This is the dumbest and most beta whining I’ve ever, ever read. Just what about you isn’t odious? Your wife divorced you because everything.

    • WJ says:

      What Red said.

      Plus, it’s all her fault, it’s all women’s fault, women are terrible, women have no self-awareness, women are irrational — but don’t you dare question my self-serving motives and actions because I do what pleases me and that’s that. Self-awareness 101, the whiny egocentric edition.

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