I should have remained single for more than 4 months after my wife T of 10 years left me. I needed much more time to reinvent myself before I became involved with another monogamous relationship and the absurdity that such a relationship is. Jumping into another LTR caused me to become emotionally codependent on C and for more than 6-8 months I was unable to start reconciling my emotions from my nuked marriage. This introduced problems into the new LTR and hampered my ability to move forward emotionally and in life in general. The bitter taste of the Red Pill did not help my mindset during this time either. The relationship was interesting in many ways to say the least and I will describe it and C more fully in a later essay, but the failure of this relationship was all but inevitable.
So I find myself single and I feel relived in many ways. Her lack of any youthful beauty and her feminist attitudes would have caused me to completely lose attraction for her in a short time, and once I was more healed emotionally I have to admit. Her excuse for not wanting to continue in the relationship was my undesirable financial situation caused by my impeding divorce and my business challenges, but as we all know it was likely a result of her loss of attraction at my temporary weakness and my request for her help and of course her unfettered Hypergamy. At C’s ripe old age of 45, yes I know, she is seeking a man who is financially secure enough to insure she can continue to live the lifestyle she desires. As she has stated many time “I like all of my nice stuff”. Although she makes her own money she has several large and optional expenses such as two horses and her huge amount of consumer debt. Her SMV is considerably lower than mine even in the midst of my present challenges, but combined with her financial recourses and my mind and skill we could have made some good money in the next 24 months. I gave her a plan to eliminate her over $100k in debt in 12-18 months, but aside from that I outlived my usefulness to her. The only explanation is that an even higher value man is likely waiting in the wings, which actually brings solace to the situation. That would actually explain her other recent behaviors. As we all know Hypergamy doesn’t care.
A friend of mine told me that women do not like to see a man struggle. This is a very true statement, because women have no empathy, regardless of the relationship dynamic. Even though C was asking me that night what she could do to help me, I failed to realize in time the shit test that it was with both women. As my wife left me when my business challenges came to a head so did C as I was still working at fixing the financial difficulties in my business and repairing my heart from the deep emotional pain I felt from losing my family. My mistakes were confiding in her and seeking her assistance, mistakes I will diligently try to avoid in the future. As Tin Man and Deti correctly state below:
Once again, another good post – for those looking for LTR or marriage. Once committed, Men will over look these types of short comings in a woman, and in many cases, will help them through it (even if in a bumbling or awkward way). For many Men, it’s a shock to the system when their wife (or SO) doesn’t help them when times are “tough”. In my experience, there is more anger than caring during those times – and a basic rallying cry of “get your shit together” or the ubiquitous “Man Up”.
And if Men ever open up about their “feelings” to these same woman that ask the question “just tell me what’s wrong, what can I do to help?” – God help them. Because if you naively believe they really want to know that you may be questioning your path, your life, your existence – it’s the first step down the path of “losing her” and subtracting from her attraction to you. Stay on that path, instead of reversing it, and you end up minus a wife (or SO).
It sucks – especially if you are unprepared, or unknowing of this dynamic. It is the path of Men to be strong, to show no fear, to shed no tears, to show no weakness – to lead. Anything opposite of those have to be done in private, away from her and others. If you are not prepared to do that – or believe that your wife/GF/SO (or even your daughter as Rollo mentioned) isn’t like that – your path will be much harder than it has to be.
Live, Learn, Lead — that’s the path to creating attraction in woman and living a fulfilled life as a Man.
Women cannot bear to see a Man experiencing negative emotions such as extreme anger, rage, fear, despair, despondency or depression for extended periods of time. You say you want to “be there” for your Man; but you cannot do it. If it goes on long enough, it kills the attraction; it sets off your hypergamy alarms; and subconsciously causes you to start hunting for a replacement Man.
A woman seeing a Male go through the above will seek to replace that Male immediately.
Women cannot listen to Men talking about or working out their dating/mating/relationship issues or problems. Women reflexively view a Man discussing such issues as “whining” or “complaining” or “bitterness” or “sour grapes” or “well, you just chose poorly, so sucks to be you” or “suck it up, no one wants to hear you bitching about it”.
As to both of the above principles; when a Male is involved, ratchet up by a factor of 5 the disdain and repulsion a woman experiences when seeing a Male do or experience the above.
As wrong as the mindset may be, and as much as I would rather succeed on my own, I originally believed I could have reoriented my life quicker with assistance first from my STBX wife and second from C. My wife assisting me would have been of the most benefit for our family in the long run, and if C helped I would have provided her the status and benefit of my company and my commitment for a time, plus I thought she was still pretty hot. Suffice it to say that I am actually in the best position I can be in so I can build my new life alone which will encourage my adherence to red pill principles and discourage any future reliance on any singular woman for any type of support or recognition.
As far as my future is concerned, I told C repeatedly that MY MISSION was one of my making and that she could be a part of this plan if she was helpful, and if not she was just a fuck buddy and temporary companion. By taking advantage of her assistance and how that assistance was rendered, I would determine the level of my commitment to her. When it became evident I was not going to live for her and her desires or marry her, and considering my current state of affairs, she attempted to negotiate her desire for me, which is a known path to destruction for any relationship, and I knew it.
I refused to court her in any sense of the term. An older woman with quite a number of previous sexual partners, advanced sexual skills, her reliance on her IUD form of birth control and her Strong Independent Woman mentality does not deserve courtship or marriage, and probably not even any type of long-term commitment. This is a cold reality, but a reality nevertheless. She seemed to not want to come to grips with the reality of this situation that she squandered her best with various other men and she incorrectly thought that this was her reality. I would never commit to a woman who I could not enjoy at least a good portion of their youth. That’s not to say that she did not bring anything to the table, but everything she did offer had steep conditions and her SMV was pretty darn low, so I modified the level of my commitment and emotion investment in her accordingly. A good woman who is smart, hardworking, attractive, submissive, loyal, discreet in her sexual conduct and good in bed will usually tempt me to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I have seen that it is almost impossible to find all of these basic qualities in most women. Because of my emotional devastation and my previous feminist indoctrination from my mother I was somewhat attracted to her independence, but as I became more and more red pill aware and the realization that I would never put on wife goggles with her, I became comfortable with the inevitable end to the relationship and my obvious return to spinning plates with younger and hotter woman.
We also cannot forget that she may also be an alpha widow of some degree for her first LTR of 13 years which ended in her fiancé’s suicide. This man was a very successful business man and apparently had much experience with various woman. He got together with C when she was 20 and he was about 40 years old. She would often overtly compare me to him and although we both have gone through similar circumstances and have some similar personality traits, our application of these traits are much different. I believe that had he has the resources to learn what is commonly discussed in the manosphere he would have not committed suicide.
I suppose she did not like the fact I was a skittles man, now so more than ever. Her dislike of my increasing knowledge of the feminine reality became more and more pronounced as our relationship progressed. It would lead to more of my questioning of her past and the incongruities that became very evident. And of course we know that all women are in fact like that.
I needed her help right now but because one of her horses became injured she refused to help me. Instead she told me that she cannot be with a man who makes less than her ($55,000/yr). Shem mentioned some BS about how men get upset or something. She also stated she wanted me to make her feel less guilty for essentially choosing her sick horse over me, which I always knew she would do. I told her that I will not alleviate her guilt by telling her it’s ok and not fucked up and that this is entirely her decision. She will rationalize it away as she uploads pictures of her younger self on OK Cupid.
She admitted to “gaming” me when we met but I knew I was gaming her best I could under the circumstances. It was when it became necessary for me to deal with my emotional issues and my reinvention stemming from my failed marriage, my ability to game her waned as might be expected in such a circumstance. Going through the red pill awaking process and learning game does hammer on a man’s self worth and self-esteem at times as it did mine.
The evening we broke up I mentioned my reoccurring thoughts about leaving the country after liquidating my remaining assets and she again expressed a genuine desire to join me on my adventures. However, when I blatantly refused her company she broke up with me about an hour later, citing my financial insecurity as her reasoning for doing so. Apparently my worth only goes as far as the fun she can have on my dime. In the end it will be her solipsism that will get the best of her. She will end up alone with a bunch of cats I am sure.
Further reading:http://therationalmale.com/2011/12/21/fem-centrism/ http://therationalmale.com/2011/12/20/the-feminine-reality/ http://marriedmansexlife.com/2012/12/relative-vs-absolute-sex-rank-and-the-forty-year-old-wife/ http://therationalmale.com/2013/09/10/the-male-experience/ http://therationalmale.com/2013/11/25/nursing-power/ http://therationalmale.com/2012/11/21/promise-keepers/ http://therationalmale.com/2012/07/11/denial/ http://therationalmale.com/2011/09/23/wait-for-it/ http://therationalmale.com/2011/08/25/the-desire-dynamic/ http://therationalmale.com/2012/06/13/the-peacekeepers/ http://therationalmale.com/2012/06/12/smv-in-girl-world/ http://therationalmale.com/2012/06/04/final-exam-navigating-the-smp/ http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/05/16/hypergamy-doesnt-care/ http://therationalmale.com/2012/05/21/relational-equity/ http://therationalmale.com/2012/05/11/coquetry/ http://therationalmale.com/2013/01/17/mister-softee/ https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2012/09/18/female-solipsism/ http://alphagameplan.blogspot.com/2012/09/why-solipsism-matters.html http://hawaiianlibertarian.blogspot.com/2009/09/relationship-dynamics.html http://therationalmale.com/2013/11/03/cashing-out/ http://therationalmale.com/2013/11/13/empathy/ http://alphagameplan.blogspot.com/2012/10/shes-probably-had-better.html http://socialpathology.blogspot.com/2012/03/sexual-history-divorce-risk-ii.html http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2012/10/06/debasing-marriage/ http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2009/05/19/be-a-skittles-man/
- Why Christian Men Choose Not to Get Laid Before Marriage (thereinventionofman.wordpress.com)
- Sex and attachment (avoiceformen.com)
- How To Prevent Your Wife From Becoming A Gold Digger Part 2 (rmaxgenactivepua.wordpress.com)
- Men 5 Reasons Womyn Don’t Find You Attractive (themysticphilosopher.wordpress.com)
- Craigslist, the Go-To App For Hypergamy (artisanaltoadshall.wordpress.com)